It's really funny how fate works. Just when you're ready to move on, you come to a full stop and turn back, even if you painstakingly don't want to. Coz you don't want to be back at square one, and do it all over again. It's just too tiring. What should I do then huh? Convince myself that all that's happening are my delusions and probably just figments of my imagination. My imagination that's running too wild. Outcome: Never ending Palsy moments.
Why? I was almost there. Almost. So ready to face you and see you as just an acquaintance (not even a friend, coz I don't think we've even reached that stage), someone I say hi and hello to when we meet in the hallways. And that's it. That's how far our "relationship" can go. And here I thought that I can do that.
But no. Yesterday just had to happen and everything's upside down. Welcome to life in a blender. Every feeling that I've tried so hard to forget and bury deep resurfaced. Resurfaced at such a fast pace that I don't know what to do with it. I really really don't.
I love the palsy moments of course. The way I can actually smile like there's no tomorrow. The "kilig" situations you put me in. Then again, I dread the time that I would have to wait for something to happen. And if it doesn't, I fear the disappointment. Disappointment and forever wondering the what ifs.
Coz I never did get you. How your mind works. As usual, you've succeeded in confusing my already discombobulated mind. And I don't know if I like it. I just wish na this wouldn't end in vain like all the past "attempts" on my part. Coz I really can't bear it anymore.
Sorry for being pesimisstic. That's just me and my over-analytical self talking.
