+++ Levanter +++

Closure

2007-06-15T02:52:00.000+08:00

It finally happened. After all those weeks of thinking about it...finally. And I can let my mind rest. No more regrets. I'm happy that I went through with it instead of thinking about the what-ifs and the mental "kicking myself in the head" for being scared and indecisive. It was a no-strings attached situation and well... I really wasn't expecting more from it. I'm glad I went.

The situation was a bit weird though. I feel like laughing at myself for not knowing what to do. Haha. Stupid. Stupid. But still, I wonder what I would do if I catch myself in another instance like that. Sometimes inexperience is soooo frustrating...in a funny way at least. Gaad. I sure hope I won't pull that stint again. So embarassing. Novice.

But it made me realize one thing. I guess I'm still willing to wait and not just take on whatever's out there. I still want that special connection. I guess it's really a big factor that I didn't get a chance to go on a deeper level but still... it'll be something worth reminiscing.

Though it didn't go the way I thought it would, the way things happened was to say the least...sufficient. I needed it for the "closure" that I wanted to achieve and now I'm ready to move on with the rest of my complicated life.

Back to the old issues then.

Special thanks to my worrywart "mom" Rachelle and to Irish for staying. Sorry. :D And to the three who waited for me in vain at Starbucks, Ces, Patty and Euns: I'm really not "artista" material, sorry for being such a lousy guest at "The Buzz" (your version). Here's a hint though, at little (just a little) something did transpire...I'll leave it to your imagination. Coz I really can't bear to talk about the stupid, funny thing I did.

Basta. I'm ok na. I won't be blaming you guys for it ever again. Pramis. Mwah!!!!

Soul Cards

2007-06-08T09:20:00.001+08:00

I was with Rache yesterday and we went to get a reading. Since I was having a dilemma for the longest time, I wanted to go there and get a re-affirmance of what I have already decided to do. And when I asked that question, well...Sandy didn't exactly encourage me. Actually, she discouraged me from pursuing the matter further. So there I was, I felt like a huge weight has finally come off of me and I was about to let the issue rest. But no! Fate really is funny. All of a sudden, I got what I was asking for. I was so bewildered by the fact. Rache was like, "O, wag ka kiligin." But can I help it? I really don't have serious intentions of going after it. I am actually satisfied by the fact that all those moments I spent thinking and wishing were not in vain. But, if it happens, it happens. I'm not going to make an extra effort coz I already have an idea of what's about to transpire. And well...after all the warnings Sandy gave me...haha...we'll just have to see.

Another aspect of my reading was about my issue for the longest time. It was just unnerving that she knew about that person and our "interactions". And what she told me was very, very encouraging but of course it wouldn't be without a lot of complications. I guess I am happy that there's a huge possibility of us going towards that direction but we still have to see what's gonna happen in the next few months. Coz frankly, I'm getting really, really tired of the situation. Tired and distracted. And I most certainly do not need distractions this sem. Striving for Excellence! Seriously though, I would just go with the flow. Maybe perhaps meet the situation half-way when it's already there but I don't wanna exert all the extra effort just to create the situation. I guess I've already passed that stage. And I do think I've done enough. We'll just leave the rest to the other person. I really do hope that the complexities will work out soon. I'm getting tired of waiting...but I'm still here...

I just hope Sandy's right.

Puerto Galera 2007: A Night of Magic

2007-05-31T11:28:00.000+08:00

It all started with us planning to go to the beach for the summer/rainy season. We just can’t let all the hard work and stress we’ve been through during our break consume us altogether! (naks) So it was settled, we’ll go to the beach. The first plan was to go to Bora, but due to unforeseen circumstances/financial constraints (since we were counting the eggs before they hatched, so to speak), we settled on Galera.

Ngunit, subalit, datapwa’t…lahat na lang ng hadlang sa mundo nangyari na. First off, we couldn’t decide which date were we supposed to go, we had to consider canvassing for the elections, internship of other people, those who had to go home to their provinces, the weather… lahat na. In the end, almost everyone backed out.

And then there were THREE. Haze, Ces and Euns. We almost didn’t go na rin but we decided to push through. We even entertained the thought of going somewhere else like Zambales, buti na lang we didn’t. Considering na we don’t have accommodations waiting for us there in the first place. So we were set. We’re finally going to Galera.

27 May 2007

The plan was to meet up at Jac Liner in Cubao at 7 am. Kumusta naman? I slept at around 3 am and woke up when Ces texted me at 6. In short, our ETA at the bus station was approximately 8:30 since I had to pass by Mercury to buy Bonamin for the boat ride and we had to pick up Ces who was apparently over at AliMall in the wrong bus terminal. Bwahaha.

The bus ride was for like 3 hours max. Then we were at the Batangas Port. And we found out that the boat that was supposed to take us there had already left so we decided to ride another one, the MV Falcon with its red curtains and flags. The boat ride was quite long, almost two hours coz we had to stopover another island and I actually thought that that was already Galera and I was soooo dismayed and disappointed (kumusta naman ang concrete ang lahat ng bagay dun at walang beach in sight). Buti na lang I was wrong.

When we finally reached Galera…umulan. Yun na talaga. Para bang isang malaking joke ang aming pagpunta dun. We were so tired that we checked in, ate lunch, went up to our room and slept till 7 pm. It was a good thing that the rain stopped and we went out for dinner.

Dinner was just in front of the place we stayed. Our location was actually really great since as we call it “It’s the place to be”, in Galera. Dun kami tumambay sa bar just across our hotel. Good food, great music, what more could you ask for? With that, I eventually realized that all of the “waitresses” in the bar were gay. And kumusta naman ang mga outfits and pag-rampa? I swear. Even I can’t tell if some of them were actually girls or not. They weren’t really accommodating to our group (I wonder why?) Haha. Maybe it’s coz we didn’t have any guys with us. Wala naman silang mapapala sa min eh.

So we ordered a pitcher of Mindoro sling, na diyos ko, lasang Robitussin (that’s according to Ces ha) Hehe. And I ordered a Margarita. And I think we had some beer. I can’t remember na actually. After we paid the bill, we went down the beach and just chilled there for a while. Haaay. I miss it already.

28 May 2007

We woke up late the next day. Around 10 I think. Anyway, the Lord was so good to us coz he finally let the sun shine! Yay! So we ate breakfast, changed and headed out to the beach. We walked around the beach first and Euns decided to go get a henna tattoo. She got a phoenix on her back as of now (na according to other people ay isang sarimanok!). Our next agenda: BANANA BOAT RIDE. The manong asked us to sign something and the good law students that we are, we read first before signing. Lo and behold! It was a waiver. Na in case you die out there in sea or something, they will not be held liable and in case you’d need medical attention, you’ll allow them to perform it but you’d have to pay up for whatever are the expenses of actually saving your life. Kumusta naman di ba?

Finally, like little kids, we put on our life jackets and got on. Since tatlo lang kami, we had two other companions, younger teens who were scared and excited at the same time. Tinanong pa kami ni manong, ilang “taob”? At first I was like, “Huh? Taob?” Ayun naman pala, ang tanong ay ilang beses kami magpapahagis sa gitna ng karagatan. Bwahaha. We “coerced” the two kids to agree na twice kami magpapa-taob.

The ride was fantastic. Minus the fact that the manong brought us to this part of the sea which was already dark blue and he was telling us there were sharks there. Grrr. Anyway, our first “taob” was near the cave dun sa may dulo, where the water was still green and you could still see the bottom of the sea. When we hit the water, pagkamalas ko naman talaga at kinailangan ko pa talagang mauntog dun sa nasa likod ko. Para bang headbutt ang dating. Ouch! In fairness, gumana ang life jackets (we were kidding around kasi before the ride na hindi magwo-work yung mga yun). The second “taob” was near the shore. When it happened, that was when we realized that “anak ng shet! Malalim ang tubig!” Kumusta naman ang mga hindi marunong lumangoy di ba? I now realize na I panicked so much that I forgot I was wearing the life jacket and I could’ve just floated towards the shore, kasi I was frantically swimming towards it until my feet reached the floor beneath. Bwahaha. Stupid Hazel.

After that, I had one of my “bright ideas” as according to Ces. I made us walk down to almost the end of the beach in my attempt to avoid other people while we go burn ourselves under the sun. The waves there were a bit rough so we were stuck swimming near the shore lang. But, the trendsetters that we are, people started coming our way and also decided na that was a good place to soak up the sun. Damn.

We were forced to pack up by the large, gloomy clouds from the mountains. Not to mention the ambon and thunder that came along with it. The rain fell really hard. As in. Kala mo tuloy may bagyo at wala nang katapusan ang ulan. We were dismayed that we would have to spend the rest of the night in our room since most of the establishments around us were packing up. Losers!

But still, the Lord loves us. At around 9 pm, the rain finally stopped and the bar started setting up, so we decided to get ourselves some drinks. We first sat sa may bar mismo since most of the tables were still wet from the rain. We just ordered San Mig Light this time coz I don’t think we enjoyed the “Robitussin” very much. Eventually we transferred to a table.

The night started to pick up when a group of magicians were apparently at the bar and were doing all sorts of tricks. We decided to take a look but when we got there, the trick was already done. So we went back to our table. Then all the ruckus by the bar went on again and by that time tinamad na kong lumapit, so Ces and Euns left me sa table. That was the biggest mistake of my entire life! A guy approached me and asked for a light and he started talking to me and asking for my number. And in my mind I was like, “No way man!” Buti na lang Ces saw me and saved me from my agony when they returned to the table. They wanted to watch the magic show yet again, and this time I came along. But the horrible stuff kept on coming…dammit. Ces and I were just around, nakikiusyoso when these two guys came up behind us and offered us drinks. I said, “No thanks, I still have some.” Then turned my back on him. I kept on nudging Ces to control the situation, coz no way am I talking to those guys again. Sabi nga ni Ces, pinain ko sya. Sorry dude, I really didn’t know what to do. Then this guy says to Ces (or something to this effect), “You like magic? What if I told you that I can do magic?” Yun na. The “magic words”. We just had to get away from there. Then those guys were actually ordering drinks for us and I signaled the “waitress” NO! and Ces and I escaped as far away as possible. Eunice who was calmly, sitting on the stool didn’t know what to do, so she followed us. Ces and I went down the stairs while Euns jumped from the platform. Up until now, hindi ko pa rin maintindihan kung bakit mo ginawa yun. Payn. Payn. Madilim. Hindi mo nakita ang hagdan. But still… Laughtrip ka! Sabi nya nga, pinatalon nyo ko sa bangin! Muntik na nga ata syang mag-split sa taas nung tinalon nya.

So we returned to our table and I was freaking like hell. I really wanted to get out of there in case those guys had any other ideas. But I sure am glad Euns talked us out of it coz we got ourselves a private magic show from Derrick and Oliver who was also with another friend Mark. (Euns, wink! wink)

I was so fascinated with everything they did. As in WOW! Ang galing! I really can’t remember all of the tricks they did though. I’ll try to share what I remember. There was this trick when Derrick asked me to pick a card, he shuffled the deck and asked me to press the deck (while he was saying “toot!”, sabi nga ni Euns, “parang elevator lang ah! Haha.), and we did that a couple more times and for the last time, I was expecting that the card would be on top of the deck, so I turned it over, but it was the wrong card! I started to react and when I looked at him, my card (I think it was the Queen of Hearts) was already in his mouth. I was so surprised and dumbstruck. I ended up laughing so hard.

Another trick he did was he asked us three to each pick a card from the deck and keep it. And he was like, “Think of your card” and he would just look at you as if trying to read your mind. Well, in the end, he knew what our cards were. Freaky. I also remember him taking Ces’ flip top and then he opened the plastic underneath and then he sealed it back with his fingers. He just rubbed it a few times and that was it! I was so frustrated trying to figure out how he did it.

He did this stupid yet funny thing though, he asked me to put my palms together. Then he put his hands over mine and started rubbing my hands. And I was like, “Tapos?” Sabi nya, “Wala lang. It just felt good to do that.” Sabay high five. Yun na. Tawa talaga ko ng tawa. I was punked by that “trick”!

Then Oliver came over and started to do more tricks for us. But the best one yet was when, he managed to take Ces’ watch from her wrist without her even feeling it. Ces was like, “No shit!” Galing! (Di ba obvious na bilib na bilib ako sa kanila? Haha). Another trick he did was when he made the cards float in the air. Wala. Speechless ako.

I also remember Derrick, while at the bar, he made this trick where he managed to put the beer cap inside the bottle from underneath the bottle and also from the side of the bottle while the opening of the bottle was covered by a finger! He also did this other trick where he took off his ring, placed it on the table and the ring moved towards him.

Haaay. I love magic.

28 May 2007

For our final day, we had some serious sunbathing to do. Ngarag na ngarag ako coz I didn’t get any sleep at all, coz Euns caught a cold or something and she was tossing and turning the entire night! I should’ve gone out na lang pala at nag-hangout sa beach, I am sooo regretting that. Seriously, I am hating myself right now...

Anyway, we ate breakfast then we went for a swim. The water was great. We then lay under the sun for several minutes pero di ko kinaya. Ayoko maging kirara no! Of us three, ako tuloy yung parang hindi nag-beach. Haha. Kebs.

We packed up our stuff and checked out. I was really sad we didn’t get to say goodbye to Derrick and the rest of the guys. They actually went to see us off but it was a little too late. We were already on the boat by the time they got there. Sadness.

And so we headed for Manila.

The Galera Trip was sooo worth it. I am so glad na tinuloy natin to guys! Despite everything that was in our way, we made it. Who’s the bitch now?!! Bwahaha! Let’s go back sa sembreak!

I JUST WANNA BE ON THE BEACH….SUNBURN!!!!

Paralegals

2007-05-19T01:04:00.000+08:00

Omigod. The past few days have been sooo tiring. Since we were deployed to support our candidate, we had to endure the heat, the people, and the stress all at the same time. During election day, we were asked to go to particular polling places and sort out some problems. It's so sad that the COMELEC's so inefficient to the point na there were a lot of supposed registered voters who were unable to vote since their names were not on the three separate list it provided. I mean, it's disenfranchisement to the highest level (if there's such a word). It's not the people's fault if they weren't given their Voter's ID. That's the COMELEC's job. Sayang talaga. And it's so frustrating na at that time, we weren't able to help them out because it was really out of our hands.

It's just so funny how so many people address us as "Attorney", and you'd have to explain to them that you're only a paralegal. But eventually, you'd get tired of explaining and just resign to the fact that you're being addressed that way, two years too early. But still, nakakatuwa ang feeling. Yihee...

It's so depressing, (since I've seen it firsthand) how local elections can get really dirty. Garapalan na talaga. Tipong, they've done all things that is expressly prohibited by law like vote buying and campaigning on election day. Truly unfair kung malinis maglaro ang kandidato mo. Also, I see the value of the pollwatchers, you really have to take care of them or else there's an extremely high possibility na they'll go against you. It's either you get really competent people or true loyalists, coz if you don't wala talagang magbabantay ng mga boto mo. Plus the fact that some people throw their weight around just so to intimidate other people. That can be so irritating. It's not as if you can be exempted from everything. You still have to follow the rules.

In fairness, kahit na nakakapagod, I've learned so much from this experience. And I've interacted with so many new people, well mostly lawyers. Since we were paired up with a great group of them, we had a chance to horse around with some of them. Nakakatuwa lang na they don't want to be called Ma'am or Sir. I've already gotten used to calling them by their first names and omitting the "pos" in my sentences. Grabe, may sayad din talaga yung iba! Kung ano ano ang mga naiisip gawin. But when it comes to getting down and dirty, they do their jobs really really well. Nakaka-impress sobra.

Presently, we're still not done with our job and we're already extending. But still, I'm really enjoying every moment of it. Pero nakakasuka na talaga ang mga ERs, pano ba naman yun na lang ang nakikita ko araw araw. Haha! And I don't think I'll be eating at McDo for the next few months since we've been eating there since forever. Blah. Buti na lang naiba naman ang kinainan namin kanina. Fast food galore. So unhealthy. Grrrr. But I would have to bear with it.

Must go for EXCELLENCE!!! Bwahahaha!!!

Kumusta Naman?

2007-05-10T22:56:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was my last day at the firm. Didn't do much. We had lunch over at Tang City (aww...last lunch ko na yun dun). Then come afternoon, we went to Raffy's office so that Ricel could browse over the books on Arbitration. We stayed there for a few minutes since we were just waiting for the time. May isang makulit na tao na gustong mag-send ng email na buti na lang napigilan ko. Bwahaha. As if. You'd never send that anyway.

Then we returned to our floor to waste more time and Raffy came up para manggulo. Apparently he wrote, "Hazel was here" on the white board of one of the conference rooms. Kala mo di ako gaganti? HAH! So I wrote, "I was here. -Raffy del Rosario (smiley face)" Kumusta naman ang mga immature kids.

Speaking of the expression, "Kumusta naman" wala na talaga, everytime I say it, I remember both of you tuloy. And ngayon ko lang napansin na super dalas ko ngang banggitin ang expression na yun. Pero eto lang ha, I'm sorry pero dapat spontaneous ang pagsabi mo ng expression na yun and right at the perfect moment! Halata pag nage-effort eh! Hahaha.

Ayun. For dinner we ate at Coquina's and had some beer afterwards. It was really fun. Chillax moments after work. Then we headed over to Malcolm's for dessert but NOOO!!! wala na yung apple crumble ni Ricel (and she's been craving that since we finished dinner! sayang.) So we decided to go to CBTL at Tordesillas while arguing on the way as to which route was shorter from Citibank to Malcolm's. Apparently, we were talking of different routes, one was through Valero then Dela Costa while the other was through Villa-Leviste-Dela Costa. Kaya pala di kami magkaintindihan. Sabi ko nga, usapang lasing.

At CBTL, Ricel ordered the Mango cake which was hardly Mango at all and I got a Macchiato which was in this tiny, tiny cup. Waaah. Expensive! 90 bucks for that? Pero, it was effective nonetheless, sobered me up instantly. Then we finally decided to go on home.

But my day didn't end there. I still went to Good Earth after dropping off Ricel and met up with Ces and Joan. I had two more beers. Ces and I were celebrating since it was our last day at work and we had sooo much fun talking and ahem bashing (konti lang naman), *L****S. (Evil laugh)

Happy. Happy. Perfect day.

Yesterday Stuff

2007-05-05T15:22:00.000+08:00

Right now, I'm at Coffee Bean Morato with Rachelle and we're supposed to be studying for our Agra stint for the elections. Rachelle's actually studying in fairness pero ako, eto online. Bwahaha. Pero I'll study na rin in a while.

My internship's almost over. I'll be done by Tuesday. Whew!!! Yesterday, mukha kaming mga turista sa firm coz we we're taking pictures all over the firm. Hahaha. We even asked Raffy, TJ, Ria and Shelly to come up to our floor. Kala tuloy nila kung ano. Photo-Op lang pala. Hahaha. I'll be uploading the pics as soon as Ricel sends me to them.

Then after work, I met up with the rest of DP over at Greenbelt where we had dinner at Recipes and then tumambay kami sa Coffee Bean dun. Mukha na kong Coffee Bean. OH! And I finally got my Swirl Card. Yay!!! I just soooo love their IceBlended Caramel. Yumm!!! Tapos, we discussed the details of our much-awaited vacay with our hard-earned money. Sayang di na tuloy ang Bora. Ah basta I'm with you guys, okay na yun. Sabay sabay tayong magtampisaw!!!

And there's something wrong with my car. There's a yellow thing that's blinking or whatever. So I went to Toyota today and they said maybe there's something wrong with the engine wires and they'd have to change it. What's really funny was when I got back to my car, the yellow light was gone. Wah. Labo.

Anyway, hafta go study for the elections!

It's TIme

2007-05-05T15:19:00.000+08:00

She hates the way that you make her feel stupid
Even if you really didn't intend to
She hates the way you make her feel
like she'll never be good enough for you
Even if you didn't mean to
Because even if you don't say anything at all
She knows that that's what you're thinking of
And she can see it in your eyes
That's why she thinks it's time to give you up
Not because she doesn't love you anymore
But because you make her feel unworthy and unloved.

And it's such a shame
Coz she thought that you both had something good going
But then she realized
That you couldn't really talk about things
And that there's always this awkard silence
And that what she thought was a feeling of security
was actually emptiness
Because she now sees that you have nothing in common
And it's become clear since when she's been disillusioned
Of the dream that you were both perfect for each other.

She can't describe how she's feeling right now
She doesn't know if she's sad or relieved
Of the fact that she's about to let you go.
Coz last night was the night
That she made her choice
Should she stick with you or not
And I guess the latter choice won
And you even helped her with it
Coz you made her feel more so
That you didn't care at all
And right at that moment
She said to herself,
It's over.
I can't do this anymore.

So I guess it's about time for her
To get used to your presence
Without putting any meaning in the things that you do or say
It's about time for her to stop feeling hurt
Whenever you talk about the one you're with
Coz she never really had such a right anyway.
She should get used to you
Talking about such things
Without her wondering what it would be like
If it were her you were with

And it's about time that she should stop
Shedding all these tears for you
Coz you never really gave a damn
About the things that she thought you had
She believed that you were in it with her
But now you've mader her see
That she was all alone
Right from the very start.

The Waiting Game

2007-04-24T15:38:00.000+08:00

The Waiting Game is becoming so tiring. I should just shift to Neutral Mode. Don’t really wanna go back to THAT PLACE again. Coz I know for a fact that it’ll be so hard to bounce back. Let’s just keep on floating in limbo where at least the possibility of getting hurt would be extremely minimal. Sure, things happen but I won’t allow my thoughts to wander about to things that might not happen at all. To not expect is truly difficult. But I’ve managed to do it for some time haven’t I? Maybe it’s because Disappointment has visited me so many times that I’ve finally become immune to it. I’d just let it pass like sand through my fingers. But still, a few grains remain stuck on my hands and I’d have to shake it off really hard for it to come off. And I mean really hard.

But I’m really happy for the past few things that occurred, I’ve been praying really hard for that. In fairness, kay Lord, ang bilis ng response ha. Hehe. I’ll just continue on with my prayers. If it’s meant to be and it’s His will, I know it will happen. If not, I guess it wasn’t right for me to begin with. That would be really sad but I’d have to accept that.

I’ll never forget it coz I had a glimpse of the things that could be. And it felt right.

Final Judgment

2007-04-24T15:37:00.000+08:00

The dreaded day is so near already. APRIL 30. Yun na yun eh. Will I be staying or not. I pray each night na I’d be given another chance. Despite the fact that I’ve been given so many chances already. I still hope that God will give me another year in law school. I feel so bad coz I know I still didn’t give it my all. I know that I could’ve done better. Then again, there’s no use for the could haves coz it’s already over and done with.

I guess the only thing that’s left is FAITH, TRUST, and COMPLETE SURRENDER to God’s will.

Lord, you’ve brought me this far, PLEASE HAVE MERCY.

May I Know Who's Calling Please?

2007-04-17T23:25:00.000+08:00

Bwahaha!!! Super laughtrip!
May pa-demure effect pa daw?
Kala ko talaga si Atty. Paul na yun!

On a more stressful note:

It was my 2nd day at work. Early part of the day till after lunch, chillax lang. Just helping out Ricel with some of the stuff assigned to her. We had lunch sa 8th Floor, in fairness masarap yung food and sulit for PhP 110. Then kinaladkad ko si Joy and Ricel sa rooftop. Nakakahiya tuloy dun sa dalawa. Tapos at around 3, I was assigned my own work. Akala ko nung una, kaya. Apparently, medyo complicated pala. Nahirapan ako maghanap ng legal basis for my arguments. I was panicking so much kasi 6 na di pa rin ako tapos and Ces asked me to meet her sa Starbucks Leviste by 6:30. Ayun. Type kung type. Pag-submit ko nung paper diretso labas baka tanungin pa ko eh! Haha. Sana di ako pagalitan bukas.

Pero sabi nga ni Ces, "Can you actually imagine yourself doing that type of work for the rest of your life? Boring na, ang dami pa!"

Haaay...nakakalugmok isipin.

I still have to do my part dun sa na-assign kay Ricel. Waah. Para ulit akong nag- Tax I sa ginagawa ko. Grabe. Sinusumpa ko na ang domestic corporations sa sobrang haba! Payn. Payn. I'll do it na nga.

=>

2007-04-12T17:45:00.000+08:00

Woohoo! The Agra Internship is finally falling into place! P4000/day during election week. Ang saya saya. I just hope na pumayag yung firm ko na mag-absent ako for a day for the seminar. Excited na ako.

Paradigm Shift

2007-04-12T17:44:00.000+08:00

Up until several days ago, I was extremely worried and anxious about my summer internship. I finally got accepted by a firm. At first, I was shocked, excited and happy. But then, I began to think about the things I am about to go through. And now, I am scared shit of what's about to happen. I feel like I wouldn't be able to live up to their expectations and I'd just end up humiliating myself. Haaay.

But I know, inspite of all these pessimistic thoughts, that God helped me get into it whatever the means used. And I know, I'd have to trust in Him and that He wouldn't put me there if He knew I wouldn't be able to survive it. I have to do my best.

Then today, we received the news that my tito passed away. And I thought to myself that here I was worrying about such things while the rest of those around me have to endure so much more difficult things. You never really know when your time is up. And it made me realize that fine, I would no longer worry about the what ifs and just do my best in whatever it is that I am going to do. Because life is short, there's no time for worrying.

I Try Not To But You Make Me Do Otherwise

2007-04-05T19:07:00.000+08:00

Let's Run Away

When you are near me
When you stand close
When you stay by me
And just be there

I succumb to the thought
That you're there, I'm here
And somehow, just standing there with you
Feels so right

"Live your life
with so much love in your heart
that if by mistake
you were sent to hell,
the devil himself
would deliver you up to heaven.

-Paulo Coelho

Bokya

2007-03-28T21:18:00.000+08:00

Tax. Tax. Tax.

Kumusta naman ang napakasayang exam kanina. Wala na kong masabi. Nakakayamot nang husto ang mga pangyayari habang sumasagot ako ng mga sagot na halos wala nang legal basis. Logic na lang + bola. As if naman I can fool Sir di ba?

Akala ko pa naman na with Raffy crooning out loud, "Lord have mercy..." before the exam, kahit papaano it would be ok. But NOOOO. Walang awa si Sir. Huhuhu.

Ok. Enough ranting.

Lord, seryoso, PLEASE HAVE MERCY.

2nd Time Around

2007-03-28T21:14:00.000+08:00

The Lord still loves me. I almost lost my phone sa washroom sa Powerplant. And the funny thing is, I left it there before but got it back coz fortunately the maintenance were able to surrender it to their supervisor. I can't believe that I left it there again. I say almost coz while I was at Seattle's trying to study, I was supposed to take out my phone BUT NO wala sya sa bag ko. Then I realize na I left it sa washroom, so I was walking/running back but it wasn't there. I was sooo panicking but when I asked the maintenance, they didn't see it and nobody surrendered it either. I was stumped. I actually surrendered to the thought na nawala na siya ng tuluyan.

I packed up my stuff and hurried over to Joan's where everyone else was studying. Ayun. Nambulabog ako ng mga tao when I told them I lost my phone. We tried to call my phone using Ces' phone pero di sinasagot, so we tried texting. I was just about to call my mom and tell her all about it when Chinky told me that the person replied and said that she was going to return it to me. Whew!! So, kinaladkad ko si Ces and Patty over at Guadulpe church using Ces' car to pick up my phone from the lady. Grabe. I am so lucky. I mean, one in a million na lang ang mga taong ganun ngayon. Thank you Lord.

I was so relieved. Imagine, that was the number I gave to all the firms I applied to. And as compensation sa aking mga ulirang kaibigan, I treated them at Starbs. Buti na lang talaga.

Tampisaw

2007-03-28T21:10:00.000+08:00

I just have to quote Ces,

“Mag-swimming ka lang muna. Wag ka kaagad mag-scuba diving. Masyado mo nang nakita ang mga fisheries.”

“Andyan naman ang beach, magtampisaw ka na lang muna.”

Tama. Tama. Don’t worry, I won’t let myself be that way again. It’s for the better. Sorry kung nadamay kayo.

LSS

2007-03-28T21:08:00.000+08:00

Still Here

I just can't help it
No matter what you say
It sounds you're far from okay
I know you're hurting
So please just stop the lie
Just say, say you'll try

Try to stop hiding, and show me how you are
I see through all the faces you put on
I know you're wondering, just how you got to this
All you've lost, all you missed

But it will be fine, and you'll be smiling
And you'll be grateful, for what's still there
And you'll be hoping that you still have it here
The things you thought you lost,
The things you thought were gone

I wish I'd seen it
A long time ago
At least, now I know
I need your promise
No point of asking why
Just say, say you'll try

Try to stop hiding, and show me how you are
I see through all the faces you put on
I know you're wondering, just how you got to this
All you've lost, all you missed

But it will be fine, and you'll be smiling
And you'll be grateful, for what's still there
And you'll be hoping that you still have it here
The things you thought you lost, were gone

But it will be fine, and you'll be smiling
And you'll be grateful, for what's still there
And you'll be hoping that you still have it here
The things you thought you lost
The things you thought were gone

The things you thought you lost,
The things you thought were gone

Tama!

2007-03-28T21:06:00.000+08:00

But the wise shall shine brightly
like the splendor of the firmament,
And those who lead the many to justice
shall be like the stars forever.

A friend said this to me and as I said, we might as well convince ourselves that we are part of those who are "wise". I really appreciate the encouragement. I'm sorry if I seemed so off and didn't talk that much coz a million things were running through my head. Add the fact that I was so stressed and panicky. End result: me staring off into space.

Anyway, one exam down. Five more to go. It's getting to be really tiring but you do what you have to do. Plus, I don't know where I'm going to study from Wednesday till Saturday coz Garyn's off to a retreat and we can't stay over at CMO. Huhuhu. Displaced individuals. I wish I could find a suitable alternative.

Let's study like there's no tomorrow then. (Actually, wala nga. Tax na bukas eh!)

You'll Be Fine

2007-03-28T21:03:00.000+08:00

It's nice that I can be there for you
when you feel like there's no one you could talk to.
I'll listen patiently and tell you that everything will be okay
That you're still in His good graces
and He's just probably giving you a challenge
to see how far you can go.

You probably know by now
that He works in inexplicable ways
And maybe, just so you don’t feel complacent,
He’d give you something to think about
But He wouldn’t do it just to give you a hard time
Perhaps it’s His way of getting a reaffirmation from you.

Believe me, He'll come through for you
He always has and always will
You just have to keep the faith
And when you've almost given up,
He'll make things happen
And you'll get so much more
Than what you actually asked for.

Miracles do happen.

Her

2007-03-18T22:34:00.000+08:00

There are moments when I miss her
I miss the way she was
when she was with you
She was really happy then.
Always giddy, always giggling
Always smiling.

I miss the fact that no matter what happens,
even if she's had a really really bad day,
she can still smile at the end of it
coz she knows that she'll be seeing you
and you'll make her feel better.

I miss the way that she sees everything
in a positive light
Nowadays, she's more reserved and just keeps to herself
I wish that I could bring her back
Back to the way she was
when she was still full of hope,
trust and faith

But I am helpless

Coz at the end of it all,
it's still your call.

Please bring her back for me.
She deserves to be happy.

Interview Mishaps

2007-03-18T20:26:00.000+08:00

Funny Lines

I work as a recruitment associate for call centers, and i often encounter funny lines. hey, i'm not laughing at the people. just the lines. here are some of them:

1. I am a flexible and I am perseverance person (when asked to
describe her personality)

2. I want to learn more English words. (when asked why he wanted to
work in a call center). [Damn! Read the dictionary!]

3. Do you have any extra ordinary positions that I can take for
granted (Roughly Translated: Meron po ba kayong ibang position na pwede ko'ng apply-an?)

4. "Ten" (When asked to count from 1 to 40 to measure her
articulation)

5. "Kelan Po?" (When asked to count from 1 to 40 to measure her
articulation)

6. "I would choose IRATE CALLERS, Sir." (Answer to the question: If
you will change the COLOR of the world, what would it be and why?)

7. "I want to entertain and satisfy customers" (hmmm?.interesting
concept?so?what are you wearing right now?)

8. "I want to expose myself to the customers." (Answer to why he
wants to work in a call center") ? Flasher ITO!

9. "Is there an opening for a call center?" (Oh so you want to become
a call center now huh?)

10. "Hi. Good afternoon, my name is _____, and I'M a call center from the Philippines. " (solohin ba)

11. Chocolates, boys with tongue pierce." (An applicants answer to the question: What are your weaknesses?"

12. "I think Grade 3 and 4 students are very childish!" (Answer to the
question: What do you think is the most difficult part of teaching Grade 3 and 4 students)

13. "Haller???!! ! ??? (knocks on the table) THE SALARY!" (Answer to Why do you want to work in a call center?)

14. "I'm a married person, I have 2 children, the same boy"

15. "It's a colorful world." (Describe the shirt you're wearing.)

16. "It's a boomed industry." (So all agents are now dead, I guess)

17. "I like to explore other people." (ay sus?maniac ka ano?)

18. "I want to explore myself more." (Answer to why do you want to work in a call center. bagay sila ni #17...)

19. "Hu u? How did you get my #? Text me back, huri. Send me load." (The audacity of an applicant can sometimes appall you.)

20. "I was scheduled for an exam this morning?.I wasn't able to make
it?because I WAS TONSILITIS."

21. "Hi Maam, do you have an opening." (Lokong to ah!)

22. "I want to adventure into the graveyard?" (Langya, mahiilig ka sa
patay!)

23. "I would like to be a part of the graveyard?" (isa ka pa...thriller?
thriller night)

24. "Gd pm sir, im realy sri wen u call me I cnt hear clearly coz d
raindrops of d rain is vry noisy. Rgrdng of wat u want 2 knw y u call me?" (A text message from an applicant)

25. "Do you accept walking applicants?" (No, we prefer flying ones)

26. Interviewer: So you're an undergrad. What year are you in right now? Applicant: Oh I'm just here in the house. Interviewer: No, I asked you what year you're in. Applicant: Year? I'm 25 years old! ( Nagkakaintindihan tayo pare...)

27. Applicant: Agency ba to? Interviewer: No sir, head hunting firm.
Applicant (turning to friend): Egg-hunting daw pare! (Happy Easter!)

28. "In the middle of my study at Adamson, my father fortunately passed away." (FORTUNATELY? ??!!!)

29. "Hello, i just want to inquire about the application resume that i
planted in the computer..." (Ano ka, farmer?)

30. "May inaantay ako na trabaho kaya gusto ko lang na may mapag
LILIBINGAN." (Answer to the question "Why do you prefer a part-time job?" Tagalog na yun ha! Mahilig talaga kayo sa patay)

You Hope You're Not Alone

2007-03-16T23:31:00.000+08:00

right?

and you feel worse than ever...

Ana, do this sometime.

For Now

2007-03-16T01:45:00.001+08:00

And now she wants to thank you for everything that's ever happened. Thank you for making her feel like she could've been the one in your life. Even if that wasn't your intention, that was what she felt. Thank you for the smiles and the laughs you shared with her, coz those were the moments that she felt happiest the most. Thank you for making her feel special and important. She'll keep all of it close to her heart.

But for now, she wants to be just a friend. She's done with all the bitterness that the past weeks have brought. She's done with all the what ifs that almost consumed her entire being. For now, she wants to start anew and just be a friend to you. Coz then, she'll stop thinking about how to impress you and just be herself around you without thinking about how you'll react.

She's still keeping her doors open, in case you might have a change of heart but for now she thinks it's time to move on for both your sakes.

She's done her part. The rest is up to YOU.

Finally

2007-03-03T00:03:00.000+08:00

"It Ends Tonight"

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don't want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
You're finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when you're blind
It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you're the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Tonight
Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

Limbo

2007-03-02T23:58:00.000+08:00

Have you ever come to a point in your life when everything just seems so wrong and messed up? And even if you try your hardest to convince yourself that you're happy, you still fail. You just can't fool anyone, not even yourself. So you end up thinking, what the hell is all this for? Why do you continue to do these things when you've lost the drive and the will to do so? Maybe it's the guilt, knowing that you'd be disappointing a lot of people in your life, if you drop everything right at this very instant. But then, wouldn't that mean that you're just living your life for them and not necessarily for yourself? Could you actually go on like that for the rest of your life? Living in a haze, in a routinary fashion, so much so that you can do the stuff that you do with your eyes closed.

And the bottom line of it all is that no one really gives a shit. Some say they do but you know that they say it out pity. Just to calm you down even just a bit. To temporarily ease the pain of living for nothing. And then you start thinking, is it really worth it? Is it really worth all the torment and agony that you go through day after day?

And even now, you still can't answer that question.

You're left with an empty heart as you keep on staring down the never-ending abyss that is your life. You're left to ponder about nothing. So you just stare into space. Because there's really nothing to look forward to. And you go on hoping that maybe one day soon it'll all end. But for now you have to wait.

And it's so ironic that as you keep these things inside of you, you put on a mask when you're in front of everyone else. You keep up the facade that you're strong and not afraid of anything. That you don't care about what anyone thinks about you when in fact you really really do. You act like you do whatever it is you want to do, when the truth is you actually think of what other people will say before you do anything. And that in reality, you're just a slave, succumbing to the whims of everyone around you.

When you think about everything that's ever happened, you start to wonder if you'd rather have it not happening at all in the first place. It's as if a new chapter of your life was finally opened and it ended even before it ever began. You were just standing there, happy, full of expectations and future plans when the rug was suddenly pulled out from underneath your feet. And you're left on the ground, dazed, confused and hurt, and all that time you never really understood what actually happened. And you strain so hard to find the reason why things didn't work out. Did you do something wrong? Or maybe it was because you didn't do anything about it? Or maybe you were never really at fault in the first place, it's just that things were simply beyond your control.

Now you're left with the what-if's and the constant reminder that it never really was. And that all that happened was just a part of a fairytale that you painted which sooner or later will be washed away by the tears that you're about to shed. You then come face to face with the fact that the world's not so wonderful after all. That the mere existence of some people could result in your eternal agony. That the mere sight of them breaks your heart into a thousand little pieces. All that's left to do would be to pick up the broken pieces and it would just be your luck if some are missing so that you'd have to find something to replace them with. You'd also have to accept the fact that you can never bring it back to the way it was before. So you'd have to deal with what it is you've got (if you actually have anything).

You try to live each passing day and hope that the feeling would pass eventually. And just when you thought that all your attempts are finally working, you see something that wasn't meant for your eyes to see, and you know deep in your heart, that things aren't over. You desperately try to hold on to your last string of sanity and as you tighten your grip, you still feel it slipping away. And you're back to square one.

Add the fact that you feel totally unworthy and incompetent. That you're not good enough for some things in this world. Just about enough reason to call it quits and allow yourself to let go. People would usually tell you not to make comparisons but isn't that just part of being human? You'd be a hypocrite to not do so. The next thought would then be, why is it never enough? Then again, maybe you'd actually realize that you never exerted enough effort in the first place. And everything would just seem comical.

So you'd come to the conclusion that your life is just one big pathetic mess and you don't even know where, when and how you'd clean it up. You don't even know if you want to clean up. What would do you opt to do then?

For now, I guess that question would have to be left unanswered.

The Holiday Reflections

2007-02-24T10:50:00.000+08:00

Last night, some friends succeeded in "bullying" me into watching The Holiday. Meaning free movie. Thanks to Juancho. I enjoyed the movie, it was great. Although, I couldn't help but reflect on some things during and after it.

I wasn't in the mood to actually watch any movie and right at the beginning of the flick, I instantly knew why. There really is a reason for everything I guess. Here I quote Kate Winslet's tirade over love:

"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and Valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back."

How about that huh? It's like getting a slap on the face. The feeling that you know it's not really meant for you but wtf! I was like, "Ummm, not for me..."

But it didn't end there. I have several lines I would like to quote:

It doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door.

Sometimes I wish I can stop overanalyzing things. I wish I could start convincing myself the other way around. I wish I could get over things and people that easily. Move on with my life and never look back. I really admire those who can do it despite everything.

Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and suprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you.

Ouch!!! Why do people do that? They know that they've got a hold over you and they take advantage of it. They come to you only when they need it or just feel like it. They come to you when there's nothing worthwhile to do, so they need your company. They come to you without even realizing that when they do, they can make your heart race and make you hope all over again. They don't realize that after the interaction is over and they go back to their lives (which by the way, doesn't really include you), you are left with an empty feeling. And you try to convince yourself that one day maybe he'll realize that he actually cares for you and you'd live happily ever after. And after several days or weeks of not seeing or talking, you'd realize (for the nth time), that he wouldn't be having "the epiphany" any time soon. So you'd go back to wallowing in depression up until your next encounter. And the twisted, bitter cycle starts all over again.

My god, I've just noticed how pathetic you are.
Really? I'm *so* aware of it.

Future Someone

2007-02-17T22:48:00.000+08:00

To You Who Hasn't Found Me Yet,

When you look at me, I feel like melting away. You make me giddy, nervous and happy all at the same time. You make me feel like I can share anything with you, even the stupid things that pop into my head. I feel comfortable when you're around.

I want to laugh with you. Share nonsensical jokes with you and you'll laugh even if it's not really funny, just so I won't feel bad. I want to ask you if your day was good. And I love it when you ask me about mine.

I love it when you're next to me. I feel safe like nothing can go wrong. Even if you don't say anything at all. Even if I just stand there for an hour, as long as you're close to me. Close to the point that we're almost touching. I feel happiness in that.

I adore your crazy antics, the way you compliment me in your sweet way, the pet names you call me, the things you do just to get my attention, that "puppy look" you do. I love the way your eyes dance when you smile, the sound of your laugh, the look in your eyes.

And the funny thing is I'll just be keeping this until we actually meet. Maybe it'll be soon. Or maybe I've already found you but you're not yet ready so I moved on. For now, I find comfort in the thought that one day our paths will cross again (or maybe it'll be for the first time) and I'll finally be able to share this with you.

Trust

2007-02-17T22:39:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I think the Lord is really testing me. Just when I'm at the end and ready to give it all up, He'd bring me back to where I started again. I guess Patty's right, maybe He's just asking me to trust in Him. I do. But I can't honestly say I fully do because so many doubts keep on entering my mind and I wonder if it's all worth it. If it would be worth the wait and patience.

I keep on coming back to Mel's comment na there is something there, but to him relationships are not important right now. I just feel sad na that's the case. But I must admit that as of now, that's what I'm getting from him. Maybe it's all just harmless flirting for him and if so...well I guess I'm at the loser's end huh? 'Coz frankly, I don't flirt. I'm just my usual quiet reserved self. So when I do flirt with someone, it must mean that there's something else there. It actually takes a lot of courage for me to go out there and step up. I'm just hoping that all I do are appreciated.

Can I help it if I'm too serious about these things? But now that I think about it, there's no need for me to rush things. I'm just scared that he'll start losing interest and that I'll get tired of waiting as well. It's too good of a thing to let go of. But I am happy where I am now as compared to before. Big big improvement. I really shouldn't demand too much. I've been given a lot now that I consider things.

ADVICE TO SELF: Hazel, just appreciate what has happened so far. Don't delve too much into what hasn't happened yet. Believe that all things will eventually fall into place.

A Valentine Entry

2007-02-14T23:25:00.000+08:00

I should be happy with the way things are going but I can't help but feel sad. Yeah, I am happy. Yet there's a certain feeling of loneliness that's tugging at my heart and even though I try so hard to push it back, I still feel it. 'Coz I know that there's nothing else left for me toa do but wait and be patient. I do hope I can last long enough, at least until "the realization" takes place. How long must I wait though?

Valentine's Day, it really should be a day to look forward to and enjoy. But it seems like I'm with the crowd that's into bashing it. Haha. Bitter kung bitter. Sabi nga ni Tuesday Vargas, "Taas ang kamay ng in-love. (some hands raise), Pakyu Ol!!!" Laughtrip siya sobra.

But sometimes I do think that it would be so nice to get a bouquet of roses or tulips, wouldn't it? Add a dash of mint chocolates. PERFECT. But that's wishful thinking. Let's go back to reality, Haze.

It Was A Good Night

2007-02-04T14:29:00.000+08:00

The day started out slow, yung tipong nakatunganga na naman kami at walang ginagawa, which is really quite unusual and I have to admit...tiring. Nakakapagod din pala pag wala kang magawa habang nag-aantay na dumating ang oras.

We went to Utopia's Post Midterms Party over at Gweilos later that night.. I'll never forget Ces' stint. 'Cha!!! Lupit nun ha! I really freaked out dude. Feeling ko una kong mamamatay nun eh. When we got there we were immediately offered shots of Tequila. Ayun na. I don't drink much talaga and grabe ha, ang INIT! Well at least it made me relax a little, just a little. Then we went in na and got more drinks. I had a Tequila Rose courtesy of Raffy dahil we had our agreement. That drink was good. I really liked it, sayang konti lang. Ang hina ko talaga uminom kasi after that I just had 2 beers more and I was so tipsy that I can't even feel it pag nagyo-yosi na ko. Nabibingi na nga ata ko coz yung akala kong bulong, sigaw na pala! Haha. Fun! Fun! Fun!

Kung may washroom breaks, kelangan ko ng taga-akay, feeling ko kasi I'll be toppling over anytime. One time, when almost all of us went to the washroom at the same time, nagkataon na dumating 'tong si Raffy and gaaaddd!!! he did his dance moves yet again. Nakakatawa talaga sobra. Ang saya sanang sumayaw kaya lang nobody else was dancing on the floor. Si Mel nga nagyayaya na. Next time na lang. I really wanted to get drunk kagabi but of course may reputasyon tayong kelangang alagaan. Haha. Pag mas konti na lang yung tao siguro. Heeheeheee.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not drunk right now, okay?

Things I Do and I Don't Know Why I Do It

2007-02-02T16:43:00.000+08:00

I really don't know why I'm stressing sooo much today. As in. Kahit sila Euns nase-stress na sa kin. Syet man. Why am I being like this huh? Kahit ako di ko alam why I'm feeling so pressured while I'm doing it. As they told me, I should enjoy it. I know. I know. But I guess I just want everything to be perfect. I don't know how I'm going to do it nga lang. Kaya eto. Stressed to the HIGHEST LEVEL.

I guess this must show na this matters to me soo much. Then again, I can't control everything now can I? Even if I wanted to. I feel like breaking down. Just to get it over with. I know all of it's nonsense. Worrying about something stupid, really trivial things. I just can't seem to convince myself na it's ok to do it my way. Too not exert too much effort.

Perfectionist/OC/Pessimist

That sums me up as of today.

What I Should Look Forward To

2007-02-02T16:32:00.000+08:00

Weekly Love Horoscope

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
You can come up with some great lines this weekend, Scorpio. Your sharp wit and snappy comments surprise people and get heads turning in your direction. Just don't speak without thinking because critical or caustic comments won't win you the love you want.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
You love to travel and this weekend's a perfect time to hit the road. Love lies in unfamiliar territory, so head off to a foreign film or restaurant if you can't leave town. Bring your sweetie to an exotic place or find a new one when you head off the beaten track.

February 2, 2007

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
You are very picky about whom you socialize with today, but your criticism might actually get in the way of your happiness. Even if you are sure of your perceptions, keep in mind that you are possibly over-reacting. For now it may be better to just go along with the group and save your judgments for another day.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Your meticulous thinking can save the day, but you might have to set your personal needs aside for a while. Nevertheless, you are up for the job as the Sun illuminates your key planet Jupiter. You should be careful though, for you could misjudge the situation and find yourself in deeper than you want. Remember that you aren't a super-hero, even if you are confident and capable.

I'm a cusp. Sometimes Scorpio, sometimes Sagg. But I'm more of a Scorpio, I think. Ayun na. Ang ganda nung weekly horoscope eh.

Dr. Luurve

2007-01-28T02:57:00.001+08:00

Sabi ko nga. I just can't seem to help it. Mahilig talaga ako magover-analyze ng situations. I replay it over and over inside my head just to make sure that I went through every little thing that might have significance to the scenario that I wanted to happen.

Pero yun na nga. Sabi ni Luna and everyone else around, I should stop over-analyzing kasi in the end, rather than enjoy all the stuff that's been happening, I'd end up worrying over little nothings. But it's easier said than done. I've been doing it for the longest time that thinking about stopping gives me a migraine.

What can I say, I'm a brooding Scorpio.

Then again, I'll try my best to go with the flow.

To just make each moment feel like it's the last.

Another Blow

2007-01-27T15:27:00.000+08:00

Pag-Alis

Barbie Almalbis

Kung wala ka nang gustong sabihin

Wag ka nang tumingin ng ganyan

Kung bukas, ako’y kalilimutan

Sana naman ngayo’y di mo na isipin ako’y tawagan

At habang may panahon,

Wag na nating hintayin

Lumalim pa

At masakit nang tanggapin

Ang pag-alis ng iyong liwanag

Na gumising sa mahabang gabi

Ika’y langit ngunit baka masanay

At di kayanin ang iyong pag-alis

Kung wala ka nang gustong marinig

Ako’y aalis at manahimik

Ang kahapon na nais kong limutin

Sana naman huwag nang manumbalik at bigyang pansin

At habang may panahon,
Wag na nating hintayin
Lumalim pa
At masakit nang tanggapin

Ang pag-alis ng iyong liwanag
Na gumising sa mahabang gabi
Ika’y langit ngunit baka masanay
At di kayanin ang iyong pag-alis

I just love this song. Sabi nga ni Ces, bittersweet.

Another Use for My IPod

2007-01-27T15:11:00.000+08:00

I was contemplating on my current mesh of a situation and I remembered an article by Jessica Zafra. She was ranting about how other people depend on psychics and stuff just to get a glimpse of what would happen in the future and how life is going so far. She suggested a different, funny method. Take your Ipod, press play and see which song comes out. So I took my Ipod and pressed "Shuffle Songs". Guess which song played?

Boyfriend

Ashlee Simpson

Whatcha been doin'? Whatcha been doin?
Whoa, Whoa,
Haven't seen ya 'round,
How you been feelin'? How you been feelin'?
Whoa, whoa,
Don't you bring me down,
All that shit about me,
Being with him,
Can't believe,
All the lies that you told,
Just to ease your own soul,
But I'm bigger than that,
No, you don't have my back,
No, No, HA
[Chorus]
Hey, how long till the music drowns you out?
Don't put words up in my mouth,
I didn't steal your boyfriend,
Hey, how long till you face what's goin' on,
Cause you really got it wrong,
I didn't steal your boyfriend,
Well I'm sorry,
That he called me,
And that I answered the telephone,
Don't be worried,
I'm not with him,
And when I go out tonight,
I'm going home alone,
Just got back from my tour,
I'm a mess girl for sure,
All I want is some fun,
Guess that I'd better run,
Hollywood sucks you in,
But it won't spit me out,
Whoa Whoa, HA
[Chorus]
Hey, how long till the music drowns you out?
Don't put words up in my mouth,
I didn't steal your boyfriend,
Hey, how long till you face what's going on?
Cause you really got it wrong,
I didn't steal your boyfriend,
Hey, how long till you look at your own life,
Instead of looking into mine,
I didn't steal your boyfriend,
Hey, how long till you're leaving me alone,
Don't you got somewhere to go?
I didn't steal your boyfriend,
Whoa, whoa, whoa ha
Whoa, whoa, whoa ha
Please stop telling all your friends,
I'm getting sick of them,
Always staring at me like I took him from ya'
[Chorus]
Hey, how long till the music drowns you out?
Don't put words up in my mouth,
I didn't steal your boyfriend,
Hey, how long till you face what's going on?
Cause you really got it wrong,
I didn't steal your boyfriend,
Hey, how long till you look at your own life,
Instead of looking into mine,
I didn't steal your boyfriend,
Hey, how long till you're leaving me alone,
Don't you got somewhere to go?
I didn't steal your boyfriend,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, ha,
Whoa, I didn't steal your boyfriend,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, ha,
Whoa, I didn't steal your boyfriend

Kumusta naman talaga? Rumolyo ko sa kakatawa. Bwahaha. How apt.

Life in a Blender

2007-01-25T14:29:00.000+08:00

On a more positive note. And since ayaw pa tumigil ni Monsod sa pagblo-blog sa lib habang nasa kanya ang aking reviewer, magblo-blog muna ko.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy na may recent developments sa aking pagchu-churva. After a long hiatus of just saying his and hellos sa hallways, all of a sudden we're acting like we're really good friends. But I must admit, I really really enjoy his company. Masaya ako pag kasama ko sya. As in. Eh kahit nga habang nage-exam ako sa tax at hindi ako makasagot, nakangiti ako. O di ba? Kung di ba naman ako baliw?

But I really like the feeling minus the depression afterwards, I mean who wouldn't? Kilig moments that would send me staring into the deep beyond with this stupid smile on my face. Na parang loka-loka. Napapagod na nga panga ko eh. Pero sige pa rin.

Nakakatuwa lang kasi na I feel so comfortable when I'm with him. Plus the fact na he is so undeniably cute. Ayan na. Palsy moment. Hay. Sana lang talaga ay may patutunguhan tong "recent developments" ng aking churva.

*Keeping my fingers crossed*

Of Churva and Chenes

2007-01-25T12:46:00.000+08:00

It's really funny how fate works. Just when you're ready to move on, you come to a full stop and turn back, even if you painstakingly don't want to. Coz you don't want to be back at square one, and do it all over again. It's just too tiring. What should I do then huh? Convince myself that all that's happening are my delusions and probably just figments of my imagination. My imagination that's running too wild. Outcome: Never ending Palsy moments.

Why? I was almost there. Almost. So ready to face you and see you as just an acquaintance (not even a friend, coz I don't think we've even reached that stage), someone I say hi and hello to when we meet in the hallways. And that's it. That's how far our "relationship" can go. And here I thought that I can do that.

But no. Yesterday just had to happen and everything's upside down. Welcome to life in a blender. Every feeling that I've tried so hard to forget and bury deep resurfaced. Resurfaced at such a fast pace that I don't know what to do with it. I really really don't.

I love the palsy moments of course. The way I can actually smile like there's no tomorrow. The "kilig" situations you put me in. Then again, I dread the time that I would have to wait for something to happen. And if it doesn't, I fear the disappointment. Disappointment and forever wondering the what ifs.

Coz I never did get you. How your mind works. As usual, you've succeeded in confusing my already discombobulated mind. And I don't know if I like it. I just wish na this wouldn't end in vain like all the past "attempts" on my part. Coz I really can't bear it anymore.

Sorry for being pesimisstic. That's just me and my over-analytical self talking.

According to the Cards

2006-12-04T23:56:00.000+08:00

Love Horoscope for the Week of:
Monday, December 04, 2006

Hazel,

Your personal life is very hot this week. There's no middle ground emotionally; you're either totally turned on by someone or totally turned off. Extreme feelings can take you to the heights of desire or the depths of despair. Either way, it's not as serious as it seems

LIVE SHOW @ Starbucks Loft!!!

2006-11-27T23:35:00.000+08:00

We love you STRIPPER!!

Do not do it again though.

Sa tingin ko di na kakayanin ni Carlo. Bwahaha.

Pero laughtrip ka talaga.

The BEST!!!

What a way to end the night huh?

Big Big Lesson

2006-11-27T23:32:00.000+08:00

Thank God!!!

After all the tests and obstacles, I finally got through every one of them.

And I can't express my gratitude enough.

I will take care this time. I won't let it happen again.

Coz I never want to be in that same position EVER AGAIN.

NEVER.

Birthday Blues

2006-11-24T02:06:00.000+08:00

Guys,

Duh Perm.

Thank you. Mahal ko kayo lahat. I swear. I really appreciate the "surprise visit". I dunno what I would do without you. Life is so much more with you guys around. And just when I feel like I am in the worst situation I could ever be in, you are always there to help me stand up and regain my footing (bwahaha. literally). I'm the only giraffe who fell down and didn't die.

2B,

The ""bestest" block ever!!! Thank you for the get well soon notes and birthday greetings. You can never imagine how incredibly loved and happy I feel right now. I really really am grateful that I got the chance to meet all of you. And whatever happens tomorrow, I'll always be part of the kickass block that is 2B!!!

Batch and Sisses,

Thanks for all the greetings and the gift. Thank you for the concern and sorry for making you worry. Love you all.

To all the other SPECIAL PEOPLE (aka not my blockmates but make lawschool even more fun),

I'm so happy that I've gotten to know all of you through law school. Thank you for the experiences and laughs we shared. I won't be forgetting them anytime soon.

To "the Ninja",

You made my day. I almost wanted to give up you know. The message was great. It really hit hard. I should be more like that. I really hope we can get to know each other more.

The Much Needed Break

2006-10-29T11:46:00.000+08:00

We just got back from Olongapo. It was super fun!!!

Kumusta naman ang pagiging driVAR ko? Nakakapagod. Scary din mag-drive nang nasa gitna ng kadiliman. Meron pang switching lanes to make it all the more complicated. Pero I made it. May konting PANIC moments but I got through it.

At eto pa. Mahuli ba naman kami ng mga pulis sa SUBIC!!! Pakshet talaga. Blinking stoplights in the city means go at your own risk!! Mag-menor ka lang ng konti. Bleeeehhhh. And what the S***T? Anong tatlong babaeng muntik nang masagasaan? Grrrr. Nanggigigil ako.

Anyway, after the PARTEY at Anton's, cno naman yung knocked out at the back of Pepe's car? Sino pa kundi si Yunis!!!! Nasa EDSA pa lang kami tulog na tulog na. Nag-stopover na kami ng mga 30 minutes at lahat lahat, tulog pa rin siya. We took her pictures (with the ever blinding flash), wa-epek. Bagsak kung bagsak.

Haze: Tulog pa rin ba?
Patty: Oo.
Haze: TIngnan nyo nga kung buhay pa.

Ayun na nga. At kelan naman nya napiling gumising at tumayo? Nung hinuhuli na kami ng mga pulis. Great timing.

I have to commend (naks, commend) Ces. Bilib talaga ko sayo nung hinuhuli na tayo nung mga pulis ha. Palusot kung palusot. Kahit yung hinayupak na pulis natatawa na sayo eh.

We finally got there like around 5 am. Grabehhhh. We had brunch then took photos. Nagtampisaw sa tabing dagat and finally left at around 4:30. Kumusta ang traffic pauwi? Parang lahat ng 10 wheeler trucks naisipang sabayan kaming pauwi. Not to mention pagdating sa EDSA ay traffic din due to some construction thingy sa may north ave.

We had dinner at Maxs courtesy of Yunis. Hehe. Sulit kung sulit.

Overall, it was the best break ever. Guys, eto lang: I really enjoy your company, sana matagal pa tayong magkasama-sama sa lawschool. Mwah!!!!

2006-10-26T01:56:00.000+08:00

We're going to SUBIC tomorrow.

I can hardly wait.

Much NEEDED BREAK.

Excited na ko.

Finally Over

2006-10-26T01:28:00.000+08:00

Finals are done.

I dunno if I feel happy or not.

Ngayon ko na nafi-feel ang lahat lahat.

If during the past week I was numb all over, I feel like everything I've ever done wrong this past sem are starting to overcome me.

And it's not a good feeling. Not a good feeling at all.

Yet I know there's nothing I can do about it anymore.

Just pray. Really hard.

If God put me to this, he'll help me through this.
Nothing is impossible with Him.

Perfect Match huh

2006-09-23T03:51:00.000+08:00

Hazel, the best match for your personality is Leo

Leo, the Lion (July 23 to August 22): This generous and faithful partner is just your type. Initially, a Leo may catch your eye with their outgoing ways and flamboyant personal presence. But as you get to know them, you're even more likely to be drawn to your Leo's strength and loyalty. Be aware, people born under this sign are known for seeking pleasure at every turn. Typically, they aren't afraid to take risks to get what they want. This can-do, forceful nature can make Leos seem a bit domineering at times. However, a Leo partner will also usually be very willing to work through any problems that arise between the two of you. In the bedroom, you'll likely find the Lion to be a romantic lover with an ample sex drive. This is just another aspect of their love for life, attention, and fun.

Wasting Time

2006-09-17T15:30:00.000+08:00

You Will Be a Traditional Bride!

You're the type of girl who is feminine, old fashioned, and totally traditional.You've been dreaming of your wedding day since you were youngAnd you can't wait to be a princess in your big white gown.It's likely that you'll have a big family wedding and take your husband's nameWhile a huge affair will be fun, just don't go all Bridezilla about the color of your napkins!

What Kind of Bride Will You Be?

What People Think of Your Mouth

People see you both as reserved and sweet.You tend to be very sensitive and detail oriented. The smallest things can please or annoy you. You tend to be internally moody.Perceptive and intuitive, you understand people quickly - though you usually won't tell them.

What Does Your Mouth Say About You?

You Should Date An Italian!

You love for old fashioned romance, with an old fashioned guyAn Italian guy is the perfect candidate to be your prince charmingIf your head doesn't spin enough, just down another espresso with himInvest in a motorcycle helmet - and some carb blocker for all that pasta!

Which Foreign Guy Should You Date?

Your Style is Classy

You've got class, and you know how to put together a guy catching outfitYou're more likely to shop at Bloomie's than bebeFor you style is looking like a million bucks...And you're always do with your fantastic yet feminine wardrobe

What's" Your Date Fashion Style?

You Are Aphrodite!

A total shining star with a ton of admirersAnd no wonder: you live life to the fullest!When things get bad, you can easily take off to a happier placeBut occasionally, you need to deal with problems head on

What Goddess Are You?

Your Alias Should Be:

Aspen Brynn

What Should Your Alias Be?

2006-09-16T01:20:00.001+08:00

Nakakatawa (in a sarcastic sorta way) ang pagpo-post ko ng entries. Yung topsy turvy entry supersaya ko, tapos yung sumunod dun ultra-depressing trip. What the?

Just so sad. I'm feeling the pressure yet again.

On a lighter note, Eunice Palomado, ano game na?

Handa na ko. Just say when. Ipagtatanggol kita. Haha.

No personal motives whatsoever.

Walang Kadala-dala

2006-09-16T01:00:00.000+08:00

Nakakalungkot. I had such a shitty day.

I cannot believe na I'm doing it all over again. All over again. Di na talaga ko natuto. Tapos made-depress. On top of that, I have to deal with some issues about my brother. Bakit kailangang sabay sabay? Karma. Karma. Karma.

Hay Lord. Help. Please I need the strength to do this. I feel so helpless. Konti na lang and I'm scared that I'll break into a thousand pieces.

Di pa ba ako napapagod?

Pero I really wanna do this. I just need divine intervention.

Topsy Turvy

2006-09-06T18:58:00.000+08:00

Can I just say, ang saya ng araw ko today.

My day started out with something like duh, nakakatamad, I am not in the mood to joke around and stuff.

And it ended with something like YIHEEEEEEEEE.

Help me wipe the smile off of my face please.

Waah. I said I was quitting.

Syet. Nakangiti pa rin ako. Iba ka talaga.

Epiphany

2006-08-19T11:41:00.000+08:00

Accidental angel
I haven’t seen the moon for so long.
The skies have been dark the past few days.
A single star would’ve made me smile.

I had a glimpse
And I was elated
But you made me realize that
That was all I’m ever going to get

Blown away
You left me behind
You never even looked back
Accidental angel

Contemplating
The few choices before me
Haunted by the fear of making the wrong one
And suffer regret

I have to end it
Accidental angel
Please don’t leave anything
Coz I’d rather have nothing.

After 10,000 Years

2006-07-31T10:33:00.000+08:00

I miss blogging already. Naiinggit ako kay Eunice. Haay. Thank you LORD. Konti pa. I need help with midterms. 2 weeks na lang. Gotta step-up. :P Hehe.

I've been so blessed with everything. I'm grateful for all of it. I'm going to do my best. If not for me, then for everyone I love.

That's all. Next post ko, one time-big time.

Ciao!!!

Disney Princesses

2006-05-30T17:10:00.000+08:00

Mumiel's 22nd Birthday was held at McHill Alabang. Yep, it was a children's party. Wait till you see her cake.

It was a blue day. Ewan ko ba. Di naman kami nag-usap usap pero lahat kami naka blue. Freaky!!!

Shem kumusta naman ang slides? I'm sure masaya ka na.

Afterwards, we went to ATC to have a highschool moment. Magpa-studio pic ba naman?

Then we went bowling. At tska namin binigay ang ultra-large earrings kay shem. Hehe. Bagay.

Tapos nag road trip. From Makati to Paranaque, to Alabang, back to Makati. All the while nagvi-videoke sa exped ni shem. Congrats Shem!!! Pina-drive na sya sayo at last! Ang saya diba?

A Fairytale Wedding

2006-05-30T00:20:00.000+08:00

Nagkakatamaran na ang pagpo-post sa blog. Ironic no? Kung kelan break tska walang nagu-update. Anyway...

We went to Dorts' and Patrick's wedding last May 21. The reception was held at the Rizal Ballroom in Shangri-la Makati. It was great. Dorts was so stunning!!! She was glowing. We could really tell that she is really happy and contented. So from now on Dorothy Chua na sya. Congrats again Dorts!!! I'm so happy for you!

The food at the reception was great too. Lauriat style. Syempre Chinese. Mel and I stuffed ourselves. Haha. Di ko tuloy namalayan na ang laki na nang tiyan ko. When Mel pointed it out, I had to suck it in. Hehe.

I especially loved the short slideshow. You can actually see from the couple's faces how happy they are with each other. And to consider na it has only been a year since nagkakilala sila. They really are meant to be.

Oooh! Oooh! And the best part was when Dorts came in to the ballroom and she was

SINGING "From This Moment". Wow. Nakakaiyak. We were all like, "Awww..." It was so romantic.

I was really glad that I was able to hang out with Duh Perm. Nakakamiss rin kasi yung everyday tayo magkakasama. And to actually think that we were thinking about our hair and make-up and not freaking about law school related stuff. Nakakatuwa.

One memorable day.

Please Pray for Me

2006-05-07T17:25:00.000+08:00

Hey guys.

Grades came out already. And, well... i really do not know what to say.
I am in a state of limbo.

I almost made it but not quite. I still have to wait for my Consti appeal and my grades for Logic and Leg Writ.

Please God. I did my best. I just hope it's enough.

Extend your miracle just a little bit more.

I promise, I will do better.

Guys, I really am counting on your prayers.

Minor Trivia

2006-04-30T14:57:00.000+08:00

After Bats, we went straight to school to help out with the enrollment. Eto lang ang sasabihin ko, napaka-dalang ng tao. Parang alang nage-enroll. O baka naman dahil afternoon shift na kami. Ewan. But it was ok. At least we helped out.

We went to Laguna the other day for an ambush visit to Yvie. Kumusta naman? Roadtrip talaga. As in we literally went in circles trying to find her house. Buti na lang may cheesecake reward. After that we watched Friends. The one where Ross got a spray-on tan (really hilarious! he was a 12.)

Kabayan!!!

2006-04-30T14:18:00.000+08:00

Ok. Since medyo matagal-tagal din akong huling nag-blog, please bear with me.
_________________________________
After finals we went to San JuAn, batangas to "celebrate". It was fun and sad at the same time. Kasi parang last labas na namin yun as Duh Perm who are all still in law school. Haay.

Anyway, medyo maraming pangyayari bago kami makarating sa beach. Naalala ko na naman tuloy si Chu and her great paper. Ang usapan ay magkikita nang maaga sa Starbs. But no!!!! We had to research first sa lib dahil sa aming pag-aakalang that was the last day it would remain open. But no!!!! (again) dahil kahit tapos na ang lahat lahat, when i returned sa school to check on my english units ay open pa rin sya.

Ayun na nga. So mga after lunch na kami nakaalis ng Rockwell. So, excited na ulit ako. But NOOOOOOO!!!!!! (for the nth time) dahil na-"trap" kami ni Shem sa gas station. Napakagaling talaga nang girl na nag-park sa likod ng car niya. After 10,000 years ng pag-page sa kanya di pa rin siya dumarating to move her car out of the way. And just when nagma-manouever na si Shem ng car niya, charan! charan! tska siya dumating. Wala man lang sorry whatsoever. Sabi nga ni Shem, "BIACH!!!"

At ito namang si Shem, gustong gumanti, so she decided to go after the car. I persuaded her to slow down dahil mahal ko pa ang buhay ko. Haha. At long last, nakahabol kami kina Pepe. And, E-Pass, we love you!!! we had a chance to (ahem!), chillax under the shade of a tree.

So after an unforgettable ride with Shem sa lahat ng shoulders ng SLEX, nakarating kami sa Star Highway (tama ba?) . Ah basta, yun yung road papuntang Batangas na walang motorist in sight!!! Woohoo! Ang saya. Ang sarap siguro mag-drive dun! Too bad di ko dala yung car.

Finally, nasa Bats na kami, akala ko naman malapit na. But Nooo!!!! (Last na to) ang layo pa pala nang beach! not to mention the traffic. Anyway, thanks to Mel's uber effective directions ("go straight, straight"), nakarating din kami. I just have to mention na marami kaming dinaanang coconut plantations at ang naisip ko kaagad ay ang Crim and how similar those places were to the locations where madalas nangyayari ang mga pag-aambush ng mga NPA.

Ayan, asa beach na kami. Nakakapagod ang trip. Tapos diretso swim dahil mag-gagabi na. I was not a big fan of the beach kasi mabato underneath the water and we had to squat all throughout. Masyadong mababaw. Ayun nagka-cramps tuloy ako. Pero, twas fun to be with everyone.

After nun, inuman na. Didnt drink much. Yung ginpom (courtesy of Ces) lang and kakarampot na bailey's. Waaahhh!!! The next day, may allergies na naman ako. Ang swerte ko talaga. Di ako pwede sa hard drinks.

All in all, masaya naman ang lahat. Ana-banana, thanks for the video!!!

Being a Bum!!! Yihee!!!

2006-04-04T06:44:00.000+08:00

Finals are OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Batangas here we come!

Hassle talaga yung paper we had to finish first! Asar talaga!

LOreal Field Trip

2006-03-12T13:57:00.000+08:00

We went to LOreal for a FGD the other day for their new product called Lumi-Oil. Isa lang ang masasabi ko, di kami effective na group. Haha. We hardly said anything. Ewan ko lang kung may nakuha sa min si Birdie. Nakakatuwa yung isang girl na nakasabay naming, I think her name is Stephanie. She was so perky and I do think she is the perfect FGD participant. Lahat ata nung products na try na. Not like us who were not familiar with all of the products. At kumusta naman si Shem? Ang manifestations ng vanity ay biglang kumawala. Pang-ads lahat ng ginawa! And of course, we had freebies! That was the main incentive actually kaya kami pumunta. Hehe.

Afterwards, we ate at Pizza Hut Bistro over at Galle. Twas great na they changed their menu and included a variety of pasta. Yun nga lang medyo mahal. But it seems like it has been so long since we went out like that. Masaya lang. I am glad we did it.

We had a quiz for LegWrit on (guess what?) PUNCTUATION!!! Hay Chu, ewan ko talaga sayo. Buti na lang kalog yung secretary mo. At sa Obli, di pa rin ako natatawag. Torture ito. Palagi na lang ha.

Oh well.

Rockin'

2006-03-12T13:53:00.000+08:00

Woohoo!!!! Mr. Law School was soooo much fun!!! Kumusta ang 1-C? Solid!!! Wow. I cannot believe it. Kahit na third si Deo, it was all worth it. The panic attacks on how we were gonna raise the money for Deo, nerve wracking, sobra. But we managed to raise P 12,000 in a night!! All-out support. I am so proud of 1-C. Ang galing talaga. Not to mention na medyo namaos ako sa kaka-cheer for Deo. Twas a great night.

nag-LOA ang PUSO ni Shem

2006-03-12T01:15:00.000+08:00

Q: have you ever fallen in love truly?
A: well how do you know that you've fallen in love falsely?

nice isn't it?

Pao-Pao treated us to dinner today coz it's his birthday!!! Happy Birthday again PaoPao!! We love you!! (Yvie, you missed it. Too bad.)

Malapit na mag-finals. This would probably be my last entry till finals are over. Not that I've been updating this anyway. Haha.

We had a "drink" yesterday at Grams. Well, I had 3/4's of San Mig Light at least. We had free pulutan from Jayvee!!! Hehe. I wonder what got into him? Hmmm....

Syet. Incoherent na naman ako. Kumusta.

Biglaan lang

2006-03-03T12:50:00.000+08:00

I never seem to have the time to update my blog. Baka siguro dahil wala akong net sa apartment. Baka lang naman.

Anyway, I wanted to look around Powerplant, baka sakaling may mabili akong cool top. At sino ang inaya kong samahan ako? Si Janna Ibbs!! Kumusta naman talaga? Eto lang ang masasabi ko: PARA KANG LALAKI!!! Payn. Next time si Shem na ang isasama ko. Ayun, la rin naman akong nabiling top. Haay. It's just been so long since I went shopping for myself. Nakakalungkot lang talaga.

Anyway, I'm so not looking forward to ACP this afternoon. It's just not my thing. As in, hindi talaga. Pero kung andun si CMO baka mapilit ko pa ang sarili kong gustuhin sya (ung badminton). HAHAHA!!! I'M JOKING, OKAY?

But I am really looking forward to Mr. Law School tonight. Sana manalo si Deo. Go Dyo-Dar!!! Nakahanda na ang mga sachets namin!!!

Ano pa ba? Oh yeah, may report pala kami sa Leg Writ bukas. Nakakalungkot ang mga bagay bagay.

Next time ko na itutuloy to at kelangan na naming umalis for badminton. Yay!!! (NOT!!!!)

Na Miss ko 'To

2006-02-17T12:08:00.000+08:00

I really, really (as in really) miss my blog. December pa pala yung last entry ko. And so many things has already happened. Jason Mraz's "backstage" concert with Yvie and Shem, the Baywalk trip, the FairMit at UP, and syempre ang uber successful report for theo!!!

Duh Perm!! haha. CONGRATS!! we totally did it. pwede na tayong mag-artista. to Juan Rodrigo and Eva Linag, sorry na kung nahampas kayo ng pamaypay ni Donya Carmen. Hehe. and Ms. Divra Linag, sikat ka na!!! Ipagpatuloy mo lang ang mga racket mo!!! Ms. Pai Ong, bentang-benta ang pangungulot natin ah?! So di ka lang pala barista ng Starbs, may salon ka pa!! At syempre, kumusta naman ang "real life" pambubugbog kay Ebra Linag? Ninya Muhlach, ang lupit mo! Kaya pala ang bait mo sa kanya nung practice sessions. Evident Premeditation ito.

hay guys. super saya talaga ng mga bagay bagay pag kasama ko kayo. sana maulit muli. yak, parang bagong title ng telenobela.

tska na ko mag-upload ng pics.

kelangan nang mag-aral for consti! fr. B bakit ka ba kasi nag-shuffle?!!! masaya na sana eh.

Break time

2005-12-30T19:30:00.000+08:00

Congratulate me. I just finished my backlog for Consti. Yay!!!

Now for the advanced reading. I'm planning to finish up till Section 9 (na ultra-kapal). Guess what guys, ang aking motivation sa pag-aaral ngayon is the January 2 trip. Have to read up, para di ako masyadong ma-guilty. Hehe.

Hehe. Nakakapag-blog ako ngayon dahil andito ako sa Read and Brew (aka RnB). It's an uber cool coffee shop sa may amin. What's so cool about it? FREE WI-FI!!!! Kaya for my study breaks, I BLOG. Great divah?

Anyways, I try not to be depressed about things. Things gaya nang sang-damakmak na kelangan ko pang basahin. Ayoko na talaga mag-cram for the midterms. I have to do really well this sem. Therefore, walang tulugan mamaya!!!

Duh Perm, hay miss ko na kayo in fairness ha. Sana lang talaga di natin pagsisihan ang ating trip by Wednesday. Lalo na for me since I'm on the recit (chopping block) for Consti and ObliCon. Nice. Nice.

Yvie!!! May ipapakita ako sayong video ni Koji. Matutuwa ka, I'm positive.
Mel, I'm glad that you managed to enjoy the holidays. Good for you!
Shem, how's Baguio? Kumusta ang ating pangkukulam? (Sorry na, sorry na talaga.)
Euns, may pagka-weird ang iyong dialogue ha? Akala ko panaginip mo yun. Hehe.
Pepe, maawa ka. Tama na ang pressure.

Okie. Here na lang muna. Have to go back to studying.

Tumpak!!!

2005-12-28T17:18:00.000+08:00

Your celebrity match is Adrian Brody. You like your men passionate and spontaneous.

Take'>http://www.quizgalaxy.com/quiz.php?id=67">Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

wow. galing. crush ko kaya siya. sobrang hot niya sa the jacket.

Pressure

2005-12-28T16:15:00.000+08:00

I went to SM Fairview a while ago and while I was walking past Starbucks somebody called my name, it was Pepe.

Ayun na nga. Sabi ko, "Sino kasama mo?" Sya lang daw mag-isa at here's the best part: NAG-AARAL SIYA NG CRIM.

Ayun na nga ulit. Mega-pressure na ito. It's a sign na I should start studying na rin. Therefore, after ko mag-net, Consti galore na ako. Haaay. I really can't enjoy the entire break, can I?

I really miss my UP days at times like these.

A Day to Remember

2005-12-26T22:10:00.000+08:00

This actually happened nung November 22 pa, haha. Ngayon lang nagka-free time.

First pic: with Ces, Euns and Ana; Second pic: with Kiboi

The best birthday ever!!

We've had the "tradition" of getting something for a partner of Duh Perm on their birthdays, well it was my turn. Yihee!!!

So of course, I already expected that they would be getting something for me, I only wondered what it would be.

first pic: with Ana Banana/Chorizo and my bro tim; second pic: hehe. :D

Well, when I arrived at the classroom there was a paperbag on my seat. It was a gift from an anonymous person (who later turned out to be Francis). It was a little penguin. It was thoughtful of Francis to give me something although I had to endure the endless (as in walang katapusan) teasing of everyone else that it was from Mr. (toot!) Argh!!

On top of that, I had to endure Happy Birthday songs from 1C. Problema nga lang, parang mga lasing na ang mga kumakanta. :D Anyway, Atty. Chan-Gonzaga called me for my very first recit in ObliCon. Twas okay since she just asked me to enumerate some stuff.

Fast forward, I treated Duh Perm to dinner at (surprise, surprise) Dencio's. We ordered the food with our eyes closed and without even looking at the menu. (winks) Haha.

First pic: umm... a raging ball of fire that is my cake; Second pic: i should practice how to blow out the candles

The guys gave me a chocolatey cake (yum!). Awww, I really didn't expect that. Also, they gave me Koji Jr. Cuteness talaga!!

And then guess where we went after dinner? (Where else?) Starbs. And I got another surprise, as in a VERY BIG SURPRISE.

They got me a transparent and very colorful beanbag (which according to Kay looks like sweet corn). I was like, "Seriously?" + dumbfounded expression. Haha. It was really, really great. Kaya pala ayaw niyo ko pauwiin kaagad, huh?

Guys, I really appreciate everything. I don't know what law school life would be without you. Thanks talaga. Luv you lots. Mwah! Mwah!

with Koji Jr. and the beanbag at the background

The Lady in Pink

2005-12-11T22:29:00.000+08:00

Twas Mel's birthday and here are some of the pics of the great event!!! :D

We went over to Gerry's Grill over at Jupiter, para maiba naman.

Present!!! Kumusta naman ang magka-chokaran?

Duh Perm with Pao-Pao and Francis, minus Pepe. Aww...

Go Mel!!! Drink up!!

Who's the happy girl with the pink glass?

Guess where we went after dinner? Exchange gift!!!
Twas a really fun night! Happy birthday Mel!

Christmas List Part ii

2005-12-02T19:56:00.000+08:00

Eto na ang continuation nang aking listahan. Pano ba naman tong mga to (Mel, SHem and Cici) biglaan na lang gusto mag-net. Therefore, sali na rin ako.

6. opal bracelet (blue)
7. a gift certificate for a full body massage (haaay...)
8. clinique lipstick (sweet honey, #96) :D
9. white ballet shoes from confetti (size 9)
10. lacoste polo shirt (hahaha, magkano kaya to)
11. bohemian skirt
12. pink havaianas (plain)
13. book about teaching your dog tricks. (koji and max!!!)
14. doggie bed for koji
15. pink esprit watch

hahaha. more than 500 na to. anyway, i'll think of more na lang. heeheehee.

What I Want For Christmas

2005-12-02T17:29:00.000+08:00

It's already December. The month of being merry and happy. Pero bakit ganun, I'm not happy (well not THAT happy, if you know what I mean). Why does it seem like happiness is just a temporary thing nowadays? Ewan ko ba.

Ok. To my Mommy/Daddy:

1. Tarot Cards
2. Jason Mraz cd, yung new album ha
3. James Blunt cd
4. Compilation of all of Boyzone's albums
(hahaha. medyo panay cds ata ang gusto ko)
5. Sophie's World
6. Dangling earrings

tutuloy ko to next tym. magma-mass pa daw kami sabi ni lola mel

Da Perm, Mahal ko kayo Lahat!!!!

2005-11-26T10:12:00.000+08:00

Guys, it was the best birthday ever!!!!

Thanks talaga sa lahat. The KOJI look-alike, the choco cake, and the BEAN BAG!!! I'm so happy. Kahit na medyo magulo ang aking life ngayon, I'm really glad you guys are there. Mwah!! Mwah!! Mwah!!

Still Hoping

2005-11-19T22:56:00.000+08:00

Hay. Sana okay yung grade ko sa Leg Prof and Leg Res. Sana enough to get the QPI that I need. I just want this to be over. I want to start anew. I want to study and concentrate on my subjects. Not to always have at the back of my mind that I'm still not safe. I wish that day will come soon.

I haven't given up yet. Ilalaban ko 'to.

Guess I Didn't Try Hard Enough

2005-11-08T01:16:00.000+08:00

I guess it's just not meant to be.

Mel, Euns, Yves, and Shem; I'm sorry I can't come tomorrow. Di ko talaga kaya. I can't pretend to be happy just yet. I'll just see you on Wednesday. I need time to myself muna. I need to decide if itutuloy ko pa ba to.

It's really sad. I feel so defeated. I failed everyone's expectations.

My Prayer

2005-11-07T15:56:00.000+08:00

Lord Jesus Christ,
I believe in Your goodness.
I put all my faith in You.
I trust You with all my heart.
I cast all my cares upon You.
I am not afraid, for You are with me.

Lord Holy Spirit,
Please give me strength to face my fears
Give me courage
Hear my cries
Wash over me with Your peace
Calm my confused and fearful soul.

Lord God the Father,
You are all mighty and great
Please give me hope
Please show me the way
Let Your will be done.

Please help me.
Help all of us.

Di na ko Makahinga

2005-11-07T15:33:00.000+08:00

Nakakakaba.

Nababaliw na ako sa paghihintay.
Gaano pa ba katagal?
Gusto ko nang malaman
Ok ba o hindi?
Magsasaya ba ako o iiyak?

Ano ba?
Bilisan mo na!

Nauubusan na ko ng luha.
Bumabalik na naman ang mga alaala
Ang mga pagkakamaling nagawa
Kung sana iba ang ginawa ko
Magkakaganito ba ako?

Ano ba?
Bilisan mo na!

Nag-iisip ako nang paraan
para di kita isipin
Pero wala talaga
Para akong nasa bilangguan
Nag-aantay sa araw ng paghuhusga.

Salamat Uli

2005-11-07T15:20:00.000+08:00

For being my...

Sandalan
6cyclemind

Kanina pa kitang pinagmamasdan
Mukha mo'y di maipinta
Malungkot ka na naman

Kanina pa kitang inaalok nang
Kwentuhang masaya
Parang sayo'y balewala

Sandali nga
Teka lang
May nakalimutan ka
Di ba't pwede mo akong iyakan

Sige lang
Sandal ka na
At wag mong pipigilan
Iiyak mo na ang lahat sa langit
Iiyak mo lang ang lahat sa akin

(dahil) andito lang ako naghihintay
Lagi mong tatandaan
Di ka na nagiisa(dahil) andito lang ako makikinig sayo
Sa buong magdamag
Sakin di ka balewala

Sige lang
Sige lang
Sige lang

Merci

2005-11-07T01:58:00.000+08:00

for checking up on me
for worrying about me
for the advice
for lending me your shoulder to cry on
for understanding that I am having a hard time right now
for the encouragement
for what you said that even if I fail, you will still be there
for telling me that pride is not important
for texting
for making me smile
for making my day.

I realize just now, that everytime I needed a break, I text you. Just to relieve the stress. And you have always been there. Even if it is hours too late. Thanks for being a good friend.

HiLaRious

2005-11-07T01:53:00.000+08:00

It is funny when advice comes from
the one who hurt you the most
like it is the most natural thing
showing concern for you
all of a sudden.

You take into stride everything being said
in the middle of it all
you finally realize
that the thing is gone.

It tried to come back at that time
but you held it at bay
It is now gone forever.

You still cannot look into his eyes
but not for the same reason as before.

And then you laugh.

Trip back in Time

2005-11-06T01:04:00.000+08:00

I went to Calamba the other day with my highschool friends and it was a really fun and "enlightening" experience. It all started when Pheppo and Ben arranged the said "reunion". I asked permission from my parents the night before and fortunately they said yes. (Actually, my dad said, "Oui.") After not getting a good night of sleep, I received a text message saying that the trip has been cancelled coz there were only a few of us going. So, I texted Ben and told him to tell Pheppo to go ahead with the plan. In the words of Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge, "The show must go on." And it did.

First pic: from left to right, Cherry, moi, katz, denise and melvin; Second pic: me and cherry

I met up with the girls (Denise, Katz, Cherry) and Melvin at G4. Denise, Katz and I looked like we were performing somewhere, coz we were all in green! The COLOR OF THE DAY. We were supposed to meet up at 3 pm but we had to wait for Cherry for more than hour coz she was stuck in traffic. (Moral of the Day: Wag mag-taxi kung pupunta ka ng G4 galing ng Munoz. Mag-MRT na lang).

So there, we finally left at around 5 pm. For our roadtrip, Denise (whom I have not seen since graduation!!!) entertained us with her uber-funny and some disgusting (two pressures at once?) stories. We finally reached Southwoods, the rest of guys fetched us and we went to the house (Pheppos). We stayed there for a couple of hours and waited for James and Vince to arrive. Then, tska lang namin nalaman na wala pa pala kaming pupuntahan. Wow. Ang saya-saya.

Thus, nag-convoy kami sa SLX. I wonder why guys do not know the meaning of the word CONVOY? Haay. Kung di lang ako nagtitipid sa gas, hahabulin ko yun eh. Syempre the first thing that comes to mind? Pepe, Mu-MIEL! and Tagaytay. Hahaha.

Ayun na nga, "nag-convoy" kami. We arrived at Calamba (which is nasa kadulo-duluhan ng SLX). Tska kami nag-"resort" hunting. And there we encountered the "biker boys". Sila yung mga lalaking naka-bike (as in bisikleta) na nagpapaikot-ikot recommending various places to you. Haay, sobra. Naikot na yata namin ang buong Pansol nun. Anyway, we finally found the best place (As of that moment, dahil sa we were dying of hunger. Actually, there was a debate between the place we chose and the "Big Brother House").

Vince, the guy who kissed me on the cheek and got slapped (back in Highschool) hehe

Ayun, the place was for P3000. It had a pool a.k.a. hot spring (sobra sa init!). It had three rooms, two of which were airconditioned. And videoke. Yun nga lang, kelangan mo pang maghulog ng P5 for every song and yuckers yung song list, amoy ewan.

pic 1: naga-attempt mag start ng fire; pic 2: our chefs, Ben and Pheppo

Ipinagluto kami nina Ben and Pheppo and we finally had dinner at around 12mn. Wow talaga. Buti na lang masarap dahil kung hindi, naku. Then, yosi break sila and we girls retreated to our room. GIRL TALK!!!! Awww... dun ko lang na-realize na na-miss ko sila nang sobra. Ayun, kwento-kwento. Tapos maya maya binabasa na nang tubig yung bintana, lumabas na raw kami. Hahaha. We did not want to just yet.

And then I made a crucial mistake. Lumabas ako para mag-washroom. Waaaahhhh!!!! Binuhat ako ni Ben at hinagis sa pool (with my tsinelas and everything). Yes, I never thought na may makakabuhat sa kin nang ganun-ganun na lang. At sabi pa niya, "Ang gaan mo pala". Oh wow. I am SOOO flattered. Magaan pala ako. Pero di yun makakabawi sa paghagis mo sa kin sa pool. Grrrrr...

The next thing I did: I went to the room and told the girls: "Lumabas na kayo, basa na ako". Ayun, tinawanan lang ako ng mga loka.

When everyone was finally out, INUMAN NA!!! Sabi ko pa naman di ako iinom. But, for the sake of camaraderie... I had two or three shots (can’t remember) of Emperador and a sip of San Mig Light. Medyo, tinamaan ako. Yes, yes, I know konti lang yun (Mel and Eunice).

I was so tipsy that I went into the pool and sat by the stairs and just thought about law school. Tapos, naiyak na ko. Not the hagulhol type of iyak. Yung tahimik na iyak lang. Kala ko nga di nila napansin pero mali pala ako (thanks Ben). Now that I think about it, sana pala iniyak ko na lang lahat ng sama ng loob ko nun. Sabi nga nung song, "...At wag mong pipigilan. Iiyak mo na ang lahat sa langit. Iiyak mo na ang lahat sa akin."

After that, parang nawala yung effect nung alcohol and I sobered up instantly. I actually started making plans for next semester. O di ba? Baliw na talaga ako. Then, we were on highschool memory lane. Lahat nang love issues back then were brought up. Not my type of topic. It just brings back so many memories. Some of which gusto ko nang kalimutan. But finally, things lightened up a bit.

the two guys standing on the right are brian and james

Di ako makapaniwala na ang dami palang atraso sa kin ni Ben and Pheppo. First, the prank call. And then, yung bag ni Tim. I was so shocked. Pasalamat lang sila tipsy ako nun at di masyado naka-react. Uulitin ko ang sinabi ko, "It never crossed my mind that you could do something like that to me. You of all people."

But all is forgiven though definitely not forgotten.

Eto na ang highlight nang aking gabi. Si James. Nak nang... Medyo, asarero talaga itong taong ito. He decided that I needed to be enlightened as to why I still don’t have a boyfriend. There. Ang sayang usapan di ba? Tapos, sumali pa si Cherry and si Pheppo. Ayun na nga talaga. Pinagkaisahan na nila ako.

I have to admit na may point sila kahit konti, still have to ponder on that some other time. I think I have to worry about November 7 more, di ba?

I really had a great time. I missed them all sooo much. Kahit na we are all living different lives now, I am happy to know that we can still spare a little bit of our time and money for each other.

Sa uulitin.

Quotes from "The Alchemist"

2005-10-31T03:15:00.000+08:00

And, when you want something,

all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

Is this not such a grand thought? If only I could convince myself to believe that such is possible. I would like to believe it though, with all my heart. But there is something that is pulling me back, telling me that, "It is just not possible" or "This will not happen to you".

But it all comes down to faith does it not? Faith in His power. For who else would allow the universe to conspire with you but Him? It is a test. I am certain of it. The doubts of the mind should be forgotten and set aside. All that has to be done is to believe. Believe in His goodness. Believe that everything will fall into place. And have faith that what you wanted to achieve will be given.

"The closer one gets to realizing his Personal Legend, the more that Personal Legend becomes his true reason for being."

Personal Legends. I was very intrigued by this concept. At first I thought it was synonymous with an ambition. But then as I read on, I realized it was so much more.

I do not know how to define it precisely, but I will try.

To me a Personal Legend is what has been written down for you. And only for you. It is the path meant for you. It is not like destiny or fate whence you accept what has been given without question just because you were "destined for it". No. With Personal Legends, you are left with a choice. A choice whether to pursue it or not. It is like knowing within yourself that this is what you are supposed to do. But knowing it is not enough. You have to desire it with everything you’ve got because it is only then that you may succeed. Simply put, it must be your raison d etre.

It is such a coincidence that just when I have given up on law school, I decided to read this book. I have always wanted to read it but just thought that I did not have the time to do so. I felt like most of the thought provoking questions and statements were aimed right at me. Well actually, tinamaan talaga ako. It is finally occurring to me that if I want to be lawyer, I would have to want it bad. Make it my raison d etre. I must do all I can to achieve it and have faith that the universe will conspire with me while I am at it. Is it my Personal Legend then?

I have yet to figure it out.

"...people need not fear the unknown if they are capable of achieving what they need and want."

Is that not part of being human? Fearing the unknown? We have always feared what we cannot feel with our senses. Maybe because we do not have an inkling of what it is and how it could affect us. The irony of it all is that we do not have the capacity to know the future. So what is the point of fearing the unknown when we have no way of knowing it at all? Why do we have to worry?

I like Paulo Coelho s reason. It is asserting yourself that counts. Taking charge of the situation. Yeah, so what if there are unknown things to me? So what if I do not know what the future holds? I can assure myself that whatever happens I will have all that I want and need. Because I will work for it no matter what.

But I cannot help but recall some verses in the Bible saying, "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?" and "If God is for us, who can be against us?" It is not just ourselves we must depend on, we must also depend on Him. In fact, more than we depend on ourselves. For we are only capable of doing so much because of Him. It is essential that we should not be blinded by our achievements. We must give all credit to Him alone because with Him nothing is impossible.

"Because I do not live in either my past or my future. I am interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you will be a happy man. You will see that there is life in the desert, that there are stars in the heavens, and that tribesmen fight because they are part of the human race. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we are living right now."

I wish I could do that. To just live for each day and not think about tomorrow. To be free of all worries and problems. To be free of fear. Would not that be nice? I think that then I would have the time to appreciate all the things around me. I hardly do that. Appreciate things. Which is sad. Therefore, I pity myself.

But then, is it such a prerequisite? Do I really have to be free of everything else, the past and the future, before I can learn to appreciate everything that I have?

I would say no. But I still wonder why it seems like I never had the time to appreciate "stuff". It is not a problem that only I struggle with. I think everyone at some point in their lives failed to appreciate things and just take everything for granted.

I am having the dilemma of choosing which is better: living in the present or living in the future. I have always been told to plan ahead. To prepare for the future. It is hard for my stubborn self to grasp the idea of living for the moment. Honestly, I think it is bullshit. But then maybe that is what separates me from _____. Blank because I do not know what it is supposed to be. From happiness? Success? Contentment? I am not really sure. I guess that is the missing link. It is funny when you think about it, I do not even know what is missing so how can I begin searching for it?

"One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving."

It is so simply stated, you just have to love it. I never really thought about it but it is true, why do ask people the reason why they love us? I suppose it is because we feel insecure and need their reassurance. For some, maybe it is for the ego. But then, why do we need to hear the reassurances? Why do we still feel insecure? Is it not enough that they say that they love us once or twice? Because by then you know that they do love you whether or not they say it out loud or justify its existence.

Some would argue that it feels good to hear an "I love you" from the one you love. Precisely my point. You already know that he loves you, you do not need an "I love you" from him to know that he loves you because you feel it. You are aware of it. You are ignited just by the thought of it. And because you feel the same way. You and your entire being.

"So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you."

Haaay... Yun na yun.

"People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they do not deserve them, or that they will be unable to achieve them. We their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been good but were not, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly."

It is true is it not? We had rather not do anything if it means that there is a possibility that we might end up getting hurt. That is so pessimistic. But that is how we think. At least, that is how I think. Is it self-preservation? A defense mechanism? We are so fearful of how bad we are going to feel even though we do not have any idea of what we are supposed to feel. Why do preempt ourselves?

Does the "pre-emptive strike" make us happy? Or does it leave us with even more difficult questions of what could have beens?

"My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer." "Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself."

What we need is courage. The courage to face suffering. If we continue to be cowards, then we will never have a chance to learn, because we do not have anything to learn from. No experiences, good or bad. Then again, who ever did have the guts to take on suffering face to face? We all hide ourselves whenever suffering knocks down the door. Who would not?

I do not know how to resolve this.

"There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure."

Fear of failure. How many times have I felt it? I never counted the tears I had shed for it. And all in one sem of law school. I have often wondered why I fear failure. There are several reasons: my parents, my friends, myself. I just cannot bear to think that I let them all down.

The question then would be: how does one remove the fear?

I think I have an answer, I just do not know how to do it. You must go ahead despite all the obstacles. Even if you are 99% likely to fail, you must continue. The more you must strive harder. Even if all the odds are against you.

And if it is your dream, your Personal Legend, nothing should stop you. Not even failure.

"That is what alchemists do. They show that, when we strive to become better than we are, everything around becomes better, too."

Maybe we should all be alchemists then.

The Harshest Words in this World are "If" and "Only"

2005-10-26T17:18:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry I'm still not over the London tragedy. There was this guy who's girlfriend had died in the bus bombings. He recalled that his gf was supposed to wake up at 8 am but decided to wake up later. He said, If only she'd woken up sooner, maybe she'd still be alive right now.

If only. Yes. Everyone has had their share of "if onlys". If only I did this and that, then things would've been this and that. If only I said yes... If only I said goodbye... If only I didn't tell her to leave the next day... If only I passed... If only I did my best...

It only goes to show the uncertainty of life. That life cannot be planned methodically. It is beyond the comprehension of humans to actually predict what would happen next. True, a little planning never hurt anyone, but it has made me realize more the value of everyday life. No one knows what's gonna happen next or when they're going to die (except when you're on the death row and you'll only know of the fact that you're going to die on that same day that you're going to be executed: "Crim"?), so what's the point of worrying about tomorrow?

We might as well live every single day as if it's our last day on earth. Of course, even if I say these things, I know it would actually be extremely difficult to put into execution. You just can't help but worry about what's there to come, it comes naturally. The least we could do is to stop thinking about the "if onlys" of our lives. It has come to pass. There in no more else to be done. We shouldn't dwell on what we cannot change. If we are given another chance at it then do what you must. Otherwise, what we should do is learn from our mistakes. If not learn, at least try to. Try to do so with all your heart and soul. Then, you'd know that you tried, no, that you did your DAMN best.

7/7: London

2005-10-26T16:54:00.000+08:00

I watched this documentary last night about the bombings in London a few months back. Three of the suicide bombers set off their devices while on "the Tube" while the fourth 'lost' bomber set it off on a double-decker bus.

When I first heard it on the news, I actually didn't think much of it. I was way too busy with law school then. I realize now that the incident was actually very tragic and has caused much grief and devastation. From the documentary, the witnesses (who were also victims) who narrated their experiences showed a myriad of emotions. Some chose to narrate it in a casual way (as if it was an everyday thing) while others broke down in tears (just by remembering the incident). What I did observe though, was that even if each of them put up a different facade for their stories, they all made a valiant attempt to appear to be brave and "unaffected".

Unfortunately, such incidents are becoming common every day. To the point that some would compare the degree and intensity of the bombings to previous attacks. I got into a debate with my brother and sister a while ago, and it shocked me to know that they can actually justify the terrorist attacks on innocent human beings. Here are their arguments: (1) killing per se is not wrong, it's just a matter of perspective (whether or not you think that what you are doing is right); (2) people are overreacting because the bombings occurred in London; it's a western country; considering that the fatalities weren't that many compared to other terrorist attacks.

First, killing per se is not wrong?! Killing of human beings, in whatever form is wrong. No amount of religious fundamentalism can justify that. Isn't that what the terrorists are advocating? That they have launched a jihad against the Western world for the oppression of their people. This concept of a religious war is vague in all aspects. An essential question would be: war on whom? Obviously, the world leaders' making the shots are untouchable, thus terrorists resort to the massacre of millions of innocent people, who doesn't give a shit about what Bush or Blair does. Here, they are living their lives and all of a sudden they're dead, much like as payment for a debt. This Machiavellian means has caused such disorder and chaos. I cannot help but think that somehow the religious leaders of Islam has managed to attach a wrong interpretation to the jihad as espoused by the Qur'an. I don't think that Allah would've actually liked for them to go out and kill their fellow men, whether Muslims or not. Isn't it God's desire for mankind to improve itself?

Second, just because the victims were from a country regarded as one of the Great Powers doesn't mean that their deaths should be regarded as insignificant as compared to those who died from terrorist attacks in a developing country. A death is a death. Regardless of race, country and religion. A human being is dead. That's the end of it. There are no more qualifications that need be attached. Has the value of human life been so depleted that we have to determine first which country he is from? Are people really so cynical about the world that everything has to be given a price? Including a human life?

I am scared to think that right in my own home, this is how my brother and my sister thinks. And they are only 17 and 19 years old.

'Tsong

2005-10-26T16:47:00.000+08:00

My highschool friends are asking me to go to another "reunion". Overnight naman daw. I'm really thinking twice if I'm gonna go or not. There are several reasons for this: (1) I'm not in the mood; (2) I don't think my parents are gonna allow me to go; and (3) I just don't see the point.

I can see it already, they'll be urging me to drink till "strawberry fields forever" (courtesy of Ces) come into view. But as I've told myself, I don't think I'll be drinking any time soon (think allergies for an entire week!). Totally unbearable. And anti-histamines doesn't seem to work. Thus, the only conclusion is: THOU SHALL NOT DRINK.

Oh and of course, YOSI GALORE! ito. What more can I expect from those guys, since all of them smoke? When I got home from Gilligan's the other night, mas mabuti pa sigurong tinapat ko na lang ang buhok ko sa tambutso ng jeep! Not to mention all the second-hand smoke I inhaled. Haay.

Another reason would be, I don't think I'd be enjoying myself that much since (let's face it) we don't have anything in common anymore; other than the moments spared reminiscing of highschool days. Honestly, the person I feel most comfortable chatting with when I'm with them, is Ben "The Chicken". I can tell na he feels the same way since ang tawag sa kin one time was 'tsong! Mukha na ba kong 'Tsong? Ha, 'PRE?! Laughtrip talaga.

There. I've yet to arrive at a decision. I need one good reason to convince me as to why I should go.

Tone Received

2005-10-26T16:46:00.000+08:00

It's really weird. Somebody sent me a ringtone. It's titled tearsand.nrt. I 've tried listening to it several times but it just doesn't seem familiar. I wonder who sent me that tone. Hmmm...

Not as Easy as it Seems

2005-10-24T02:06:00.000+08:00

To believe is to know that every day is a new beginning.
It is to trust that miracles happen, and dreams really do come true.
To believe is to see angels dancing among the clouds,
To know the wonder of a stardust sky and the wisdom of the man in the moon.
To believe is to know the value of a nurturing heart,
The innocence of a child's eyes and the beauty of an aging hand,
For it is through their teachings we learn to love.
To believe is to find the strength and courage that lies within us.
When it is time to pick up the pieces and begin again.
To believe is to know we are not alone,
That life is a gift and this is our time to cherish it.
To believe is to know that wonderful surprises are just waiting to happen,
and all our hopes and dreams are within reach.
If only we believe

In "My" Face

2005-10-23T14:18:00.000+08:00

Why are some people so utterly insensitive? So inconsiderate? So under the assumption that it would be okay for you to see them that way? Right in your face?

Even though it's been so long ago, it's just a matter of respect. Respecting the other's feelings. And in front of everyone else? So tactless.

It doesn't necessarily follow that just because I am reacting this way that I still feel the way I used to. DEFINITELY NOT. It was just humiliating. It was short of saying, "Hey, do you see who I'm with?". Of course I do, I almost gagged while I was at it.

I just have this intuition that you did that for the sole purpose of showing off, as is custom for you. I knew it. And boy, was I right.

Tagaytay ii

2005-10-23T02:35:00.000+08:00

I am still feeling the aftershock of Tagaytay. I still have my allergies after four freakin' days. I can't stand it!!!! When will this end? THEREFORE, I will definitely not drink anymore. It's just not worth it.

To reminisce, Tagaytay ii was fun but unfulfilling. I didn't achieve my goal of getting drunk (as in totally wasted). I ended up with as I've said my allergies. ONE TIME, BIG TIME na sana yun. I was just tipsy. At that point, normal conversation with me translated to me answering you with a very loud voice. Hahaha. I was also hogging the MagicSing and was singing my heart out, despite my ultra-horrid voice. I really didn't care who heard me. That was the fun part.

Ces, "The Tanggera", kept pushing several shots in my hand. Thus, I ended up drinking most of what was there. Never again. Although, in fairness, ang sarap ng Vodka Mudslide.

How can I forget, the trip to Tagaytay with Yves' knockout skills and Pepe's bloody nose. OUCH!!!!

On the lighter side, the never-ending (uhmm...) race between mu-MIEL! and Pepe was uber entertaining and a lot dangerous!!! Shem, ingat nang konti, di ka drag racer! Not to mention the near-deafening experience we had with the "soundtrip" (na unti-unti ko nang nagugustuhan, pano ba naman pa-ulit ulit) and our driver's multi-tasking skills (CDs anyone?), it was a really fun ride.

Let's not forget the 3 hour ride back home! Haha. Dumaan ba naman sa cavite, coastal road and las pinas, o di ba? Nakailang robinsons' din tayo. At di pa talaga tayo napagod, we even watched Deuce Bigalow European Gigolo. Shet, stupidest (if there's such a word) movie ever. Yeah, it was funny but...duh. Medyo tinulugan na namin nina Ces, Eunice and Kay.

1C mami-miss ko kayo over the break, sana magkita-kita pa tayo.

Ah basta, I had the time of my life. :D

Legal Research Midterms

2005-10-02T21:43:00.000+08:00

mega badtrip. Sobra. Ano sa tingin niya sa min, mga robot?!!! I-assign ba naman yung whole book. Eh lahat nang nandun FACTS to the max!!! Good luck na lang talaga bukas. Haay. What about the Spanish sources??? Does she actually expect us to memorize those?!!

Mega panic na ito. Haven't studied for Consti pa. But I have a feeling na he isn't gonna call me. Sana.

Coldplay Rox!

2005-10-01T16:14:00.000+08:00

Fix You

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
COULD IT BE WORSE?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Finals Week

2005-10-01T15:04:00.000+08:00

Finals, malapit na. Isang linggo na lang. Sana makapag-aral ako ng matino. I've been thinking about it and thanks to Sir Vallente, I've finally realized that I really do want this. He's such a great professor. In fact, I think he's the best. Nakakalungkot lang talaga na of all subjects na unang natapos, CRIM pa talaga. Pero in fairness, tinawag niya ako nung last day namin. Haha. It was cool. Tama naman yung sagot ko eh.

Of course, di pa dyan nagtatapos ang 'ordeal' ko for this week. I got called for CONSTI ulit. Sana lang, 9 times na niya ako tinatawag. Eh si Dorts (who has the most recits) got called for the 10th time that day. O di ba? Contest na yata ito. Grrr. Syempre, halata ni sir na nag digest na naman ako. Kaasar, I didn't read the rest of the cases sa Article IX 'coz I didn't think I'd get called there. BUT NO, as usual mali na naman ang assumption ko, dun niya ako tinawag. Sayang tuloy yung mga cases na nabasa ko for Article X. Haay, well that's the way it goes.

LESSON OF THE DAY: Don't skip cases.

Yeah thanks. I'd keep that in mind.

I'm a bit Pissed Off!!!

2005-10-01T14:56:00.000+08:00

Ha. Sana some people would be considerate of others and not just think about themselves. I'm sorry if my priorities are different than yours, but that's the way it goes. Yeah, you can speak out your mind, pero kung ayaw mo nang gulo, better think twice. Medyo namumuro na kasi. I'll let this pass. But I'm really pissed off. Ayoko ng gulo.

LSS

2005-09-25T23:11:00.000+08:00

I totally love this song, marinig ko lang to, KUMPLETO NA ARAW KO.

"You're Beautiful"

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Flying high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel
with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that
I should be with you.

But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Consti Anxiety

2005-09-24T14:40:00.000+08:00

I'm going to have a heart attack.

we actually discussed 40+ cases in consti kahapon. di ko alam kung tatalon na lang ba ako sa bintana or what. it's like everytime i'm going to class, unti unting nababawasan ang buhay ko. MENTAL TORTURE TALAGA. it's a good thing i wasn't called 'coz halos wala rin akong binasa sa mga cases. i dunno what i would've done if Cande called me.

ay alam ko pala, "I'm sorry sir, I haven't read the case." o di naman kaya, "Sir, PASS." the dreaded word. kinikilabutan ako.

i mean, it's like feeling hot and cold at the same time. super bilis ng heartbeat mo. nagha-hyperventilate ka na. every worse feeling that you can feel andun na. kala mo tuloy it's the last 2 hours of your life. haha. sayang you can't make any special request considering that it's almost "execution time". sheesh, CRIM ba ito?

it would be so much better if you get called for the first few cases kesa sa last coz most probably (definitely pala) you wouldn't have read the last section or something. but supposing you do get called and you actually know what your talking about, the relief you feel afterwards is so "liberating". para bang di mo na pasan ang buong mundo (at least for that day).

another scenario would be the torture you'd have to feel habang inaantay mo kung matatawag ka ba o hindi. actually, ang kapalit nang di pagtawag sayo would be having to endure the anxiety for the entire period. after ng class, everyone who didn't get called would be sighing out loud in relief and looked like they just had a second chance at life.

sobra na talaga tong Consti, i really don't know what i'd do if i don't pass this. after all i've been through? haay, so depressing.

Peter Pan

2005-09-18T14:37:00.000+08:00

I saw Peter Pan last night on HBO and I never thought the Peter Pan-Wendy love story could ever make me cry.

The movie was considerably good although the scene when Hook was defeated was a bit overrated, with the gigantic croc and all.

I just loved the way Peter and Wendy's "falling-in-love journey" was portrayed. It's like they were still kids but were somehow adults. I don't know how to explain it. I think the actors Jeremy Sumpter (Peter Pan) and Wendy (Rachel Hurd-wood) were very good. They've managed to depict their characters in an entirely different way. Different in a good sense.

It's a movie worth watching (well as far as their love story goes).
(Or maybe I'm just a sucker)

Some of the critics say otherwise, but we all have our opinions. Or maybe it's because I haven't seen any movie for such the LONGEST TIME. Nevertheless, as far as I know, I'd watch this movie all over again.

Even if it's for the umpteenth time.

Incoherent from the Beginning

2005-09-17T00:38:00.000+08:00

This is officially my first entry.

I was actually thinking of the reason why I've decided to create my own blog and I've finally come to a conclusion that it's because of PEER PRESSURE (or a twisted version of it).

I just thought that it seems weird that I read other people's blog entries when I myself don't have one. I dunno if that makes sense but I feel like I should make one too.

PEER PRESSURE.

Well, come to think of it. It's not really the concept per se but it's more like finally realizing that hey I need it too, minus the "force" that the word actually comes with. Did that make sense at all?!!

What I meant was, nobody's pressuring me into doing anything but I feel compelled to actually do the same thing that everybody's doing by finally realizing that I really want to do it too.

Seriously.

AARGHHH!!!! INCOHEREnt THOUGHTS!!!!