Sometimes I think the Lord is really testing me. Just when I'm at the end and ready to give it all up, He'd bring me back to where I started again. I guess Patty's right, maybe He's just asking me to trust in Him. I do. But I can't honestly say I fully do because so many doubts keep on entering my mind and I wonder if it's all worth it. If it would be worth the wait and patience.

I keep on coming back to Mel's comment na there is something there, but to him relationships are not important right now. I just feel sad na that's the case. But I must admit that as of now, that's what I'm getting from him. Maybe it's all just harmless flirting for him and if so...well I guess I'm at the loser's end huh? 'Coz frankly, I don't flirt. I'm just my usual quiet reserved self. So when I do flirt with someone, it must mean that there's something else there. It actually takes a lot of courage for me to go out there and step up. I'm just hoping that all I do are appreciated.

Can I help it if I'm too serious about these things? But now that I think about it, there's no need for me to rush things. I'm just scared that he'll start losing interest and that I'll get tired of waiting as well. It's too good of a thing to let go of. But I am happy where I am now as compared to before. Big big improvement. I really shouldn't demand too much. I've been given a lot now that I consider things.

ADVICE TO SELF: Hazel, just appreciate what has happened so far. Don't delve too much into what hasn't happened yet. Believe that all things will eventually fall into place.