And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."
Is this not such a grand thought? If only I could convince myself to believe that such is possible. I would like to believe it though, with all my heart. But there is something that is pulling me back, telling me that, "It is just not possible" or "This will not happen to you".
But it all comes down to faith does it not? Faith in His power. For who else would allow the universe to conspire with you but Him? It is a test. I am certain of it. The doubts of the mind should be forgotten and set aside. All that has to be done is to believe. Believe in His goodness. Believe that everything will fall into place. And have faith that what you wanted to achieve will be given.
"The closer one gets to realizing his Personal Legend, the more that Personal Legend becomes his true reason for being."
Personal Legends. I was very intrigued by this concept. At first I thought it was synonymous with an ambition. But then as I read on, I realized it was so much more.
I do not know how to define it precisely, but I will try.
To me a Personal Legend is what has been written down for you. And only for you. It is the path meant for you. It is not like destiny or fate whence you accept what has been given without question just because you were "destined for it". No. With Personal Legends, you are left with a choice. A choice whether to pursue it or not. It is like knowing within yourself that this is what you are supposed to do. But knowing it is not enough. You have to desire it with everything you’ve got because it is only then that you may succeed. Simply put, it must be your raison d etre.
It is such a coincidence that just when I have given up on law school, I decided to read this book. I have always wanted to read it but just thought that I did not have the time to do so. I felt like most of the thought provoking questions and statements were aimed right at me. Well actually, tinamaan talaga ako. It is finally occurring to me that if I want to be lawyer, I would have to want it bad. Make it my raison d etre. I must do all I can to achieve it and have faith that the universe will conspire with me while I am at it. Is it my Personal Legend then?
I have yet to figure it out.
"...people need not fear the unknown if they are capable of achieving what they need and want."
Is that not part of being human? Fearing the unknown? We have always feared what we cannot feel with our senses. Maybe because we do not have an inkling of what it is and how it could affect us. The irony of it all is that we do not have the capacity to know the future. So what is the point of fearing the unknown when we have no way of knowing it at all? Why do we have to worry?
I like Paulo Coelho s reason. It is asserting yourself that counts. Taking charge of the situation. Yeah, so what if there are unknown things to me? So what if I do not know what the future holds? I can assure myself that whatever happens I will have all that I want and need. Because I will work for it no matter what.
But I cannot help but recall some verses in the Bible saying, "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?" and "If God is for us, who can be against us?" It is not just ourselves we must depend on, we must also depend on Him. In fact, more than we depend on ourselves. For we are only capable of doing so much because of Him. It is essential that we should not be blinded by our achievements. We must give all credit to Him alone because with Him nothing is impossible.
"Because I do not live in either my past or my future. I am interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you will be a happy man. You will see that there is life in the desert, that there are stars in the heavens, and that tribesmen fight because they are part of the human race. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we are living right now."
I wish I could do that. To just live for each day and not think about tomorrow. To be free of all worries and problems. To be free of fear. Would not that be nice? I think that then I would have the time to appreciate all the things around me. I hardly do that. Appreciate things. Which is sad. Therefore, I pity myself.
But then, is it such a prerequisite? Do I really have to be free of everything else, the past and the future, before I can learn to appreciate everything that I have?
I would say no. But I still wonder why it seems like I never had the time to appreciate "stuff". It is not a problem that only I struggle with. I think everyone at some point in their lives failed to appreciate things and just take everything for granted.
I am having the dilemma of choosing which is better: living in the present or living in the future. I have always been told to plan ahead. To prepare for the future. It is hard for my stubborn self to grasp the idea of living for the moment. Honestly, I think it is bullshit. But then maybe that is what separates me from _____. Blank because I do not know what it is supposed to be. From happiness? Success? Contentment? I am not really sure. I guess that is the missing link. It is funny when you think about it, I do not even know what is missing so how can I begin searching for it?
"One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving."
It is so simply stated, you just have to love it. I never really thought about it but it is true, why do ask people the reason why they love us? I suppose it is because we feel insecure and need their reassurance. For some, maybe it is for the ego. But then, why do we need to hear the reassurances? Why do we still feel insecure? Is it not enough that they say that they love us once or twice? Because by then you know that they do love you whether or not they say it out loud or justify its existence.
Some would argue that it feels good to hear an "I love you" from the one you love. Precisely my point. You already know that he loves you, you do not need an "I love you" from him to know that he loves you because you feel it. You are aware of it. You are ignited just by the thought of it. And because you feel the same way. You and your entire being.
"So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you."
Haaay... Yun na yun.
"People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they do not deserve them, or that they will be unable to achieve them. We their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been good but were not, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly."
It is true is it not? We had rather not do anything if it means that there is a possibility that we might end up getting hurt. That is so pessimistic. But that is how we think. At least, that is how I think. Is it self-preservation? A defense mechanism? We are so fearful of how bad we are going to feel even though we do not have any idea of what we are supposed to feel. Why do preempt ourselves?
Does the "pre-emptive strike" make us happy? Or does it leave us with even more difficult questions of what could have beens?
"My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer." "Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself."
What we need is courage. The courage to face suffering. If we continue to be cowards, then we will never have a chance to learn, because we do not have anything to learn from. No experiences, good or bad. Then again, who ever did have the guts to take on suffering face to face? We all hide ourselves whenever suffering knocks down the door. Who would not?
I do not know how to resolve this.
"There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure."
Fear of failure. How many times have I felt it? I never counted the tears I had shed for it. And all in one sem of law school. I have often wondered why I fear failure. There are several reasons: my parents, my friends, myself. I just cannot bear to think that I let them all down.
The question then would be: how does one remove the fear?
I think I have an answer, I just do not know how to do it. You must go ahead despite all the obstacles. Even if you are 99% likely to fail, you must continue. The more you must strive harder. Even if all the odds are against you.
And if it is your dream, your Personal Legend, nothing should stop you. Not even failure.
"That is what alchemists do. They show that, when we strive to become better than we are, everything around becomes better, too."
Maybe we should all be alchemists then.
I'm sorry I'm still not over the London tragedy. There was this guy who's girlfriend had died in the bus bombings. He recalled that his gf was supposed to wake up at 8 am but decided to wake up later. He said, If only she'd woken up sooner, maybe she'd still be alive right now.
If only. Yes. Everyone has had their share of "if onlys". If only I did this and that, then things would've been this and that. If only I said yes... If only I said goodbye... If only I didn't tell her to leave the next day... If only I passed... If only I did my best...
It only goes to show the uncertainty of life. That life cannot be planned methodically. It is beyond the comprehension of humans to actually predict what would happen next. True, a little planning never hurt anyone, but it has made me realize more the value of everyday life. No one knows what's gonna happen next or when they're going to die (except when you're on the death row and you'll only know of the fact that you're going to die on that same day that you're going to be executed: "Crim"?), so what's the point of worrying about tomorrow?
We might as well live every single day as if it's our last day on earth. Of course, even if I say these things, I know it would actually be extremely difficult to put into execution. You just can't help but worry about what's there to come, it comes naturally. The least we could do is to stop thinking about the "if onlys" of our lives. It has come to pass. There in no more else to be done. We shouldn't dwell on what we cannot change. If we are given another chance at it then do what you must. Otherwise, what we should do is learn from our mistakes. If not learn, at least try to. Try to do so with all your heart and soul. Then, you'd know that you tried, no, that you did your DAMN best.
I watched this documentary last night about the bombings in London a few months back. Three of the suicide bombers set off their devices while on "the Tube" while the fourth 'lost' bomber set it off on a double-decker bus. When I first heard it on the news, I actually didn't think much of it. I was way too busy with law school then. I realize now that the incident was actually very tragic and has caused much grief and devastation. From the documentary, the witnesses (who were also victims) who narrated their experiences showed a myriad of emotions. Some chose to narrate it in a casual way (as if it was an everyday thing) while others broke down in tears (just by remembering the incident). What I did observe though, was that even if each of them put up a different facade for their stories, they all made a valiant attempt to appear to be brave and "unaffected".
Unfortunately, such incidents are becoming common every day. To the point that some would compare the degree and intensity of the bombings to previous attacks. I got into a debate with my brother and sister a while ago, and it shocked me to know that they can actually justify the terrorist attacks on innocent human beings. Here are their arguments: (1) killing per se is not wrong, it's just a matter of perspective (whether or not you think that what you are doing is right); (2) people are overreacting because the bombings occurred in London; it's a western country; considering that the fatalities weren't that many compared to other terrorist attacks. First, killing per se is not wrong?! Killing of human beings, in whatever form is wrong. No amount of religious fundamentalism can justify that. Isn't that what the terrorists are advocating? That they have launched a jihad against the Western world for the oppression of their people. This concept of a religious war is vague in all aspects. An essential question would be: war on whom? Obviously, the world leaders' making the shots are untouchable, thus terrorists resort to the massacre of millions of innocent people, who doesn't give a shit about what Bush or Blair does. Here, they are living their lives and all of a sudden they're dead, much like as payment for a debt. This Machiavellian means has caused such disorder and chaos. I cannot help but think that somehow the religious leaders of Islam has managed to attach a wrong interpretation to the jihad as espoused by the Qur'an. I don't think that Allah would've actually liked for them to go out and kill their fellow men, whether Muslims or not. Isn't it God's desire for mankind to improve itself?
Second, just because the victims were from a country regarded as one of the Great Powers doesn't mean that their deaths should be regarded as insignificant as compared to those who died from terrorist attacks in a developing country. A death is a death. Regardless of race, country and religion. A human being is dead. That's the end of it. There are no more qualifications that need be attached. Has the value of human life been so depleted that we have to determine first which country he is from? Are people really so cynical about the world that everything has to be given a price? Including a human life?
I am scared to think that right in my own home, this is how my brother and my sister thinks. And they are only 17 and 19 years old.
My highschool friends are asking me to go to another "reunion". Overnight naman daw. I'm really thinking twice if I'm gonna go or not. There are several reasons for this: (1) I'm not in the mood; (2) I don't think my parents are gonna allow me to go; and (3) I just don't see the point.
I can see it already, they'll be urging me to drink till "strawberry fields forever" (courtesy of Ces) come into view. But as I've told myself, I don't think I'll be drinking any time soon (think allergies for an entire week!). Totally unbearable. And anti-histamines doesn't seem to work. Thus, the only conclusion is: THOU SHALL NOT DRINK.
Oh and of course, YOSI GALORE! ito. What more can I expect from those guys, since all of them smoke? When I got home from Gilligan's the other night, mas mabuti pa sigurong tinapat ko na lang ang buhok ko sa tambutso ng jeep! Not to mention all the second-hand smoke I inhaled. Haay.
Another reason would be, I don't think I'd be enjoying myself that much since (let's face it) we don't have anything in common anymore; other than the moments spared reminiscing of highschool days. Honestly, the person I feel most comfortable chatting with when I'm with them, is Ben "The Chicken". I can tell na he feels the same way since ang tawag sa kin one time was 'tsong! Mukha na ba kong 'Tsong? Ha, 'PRE?! Laughtrip talaga.
There. I've yet to arrive at a decision. I need one good reason to convince me as to why I should go.
It's really weird. Somebody sent me a ringtone. It's titled tearsand.nrt. I 've tried listening to it several times but it just doesn't seem familiar. I wonder who sent me that tone. Hmmm...
To believe is to know that every day is a new beginning.
It is to trust that miracles happen, and dreams really do come true.
To believe is to see angels dancing among the clouds,
To know the wonder of a stardust sky and the wisdom of the man in the moon.
To believe is to know the value of a nurturing heart,
The innocence of a child's eyes and the beauty of an aging hand,
For it is through their teachings we learn to love.
To believe is to find the strength and courage that lies within us.
When it is time to pick up the pieces and begin again.
To believe is to know we are not alone,
That life is a gift and this is our time to cherish it.
To believe is to know that wonderful surprises are just waiting to happen,
and all our hopes and dreams are within reach.
If only we believe
It is to trust that miracles happen, and dreams really do come true.
To believe is to see angels dancing among the clouds,
To know the wonder of a stardust sky and the wisdom of the man in the moon.
To believe is to know the value of a nurturing heart,
The innocence of a child's eyes and the beauty of an aging hand,
For it is through their teachings we learn to love.
To believe is to find the strength and courage that lies within us.
When it is time to pick up the pieces and begin again.
To believe is to know we are not alone,
That life is a gift and this is our time to cherish it.
To believe is to know that wonderful surprises are just waiting to happen,
and all our hopes and dreams are within reach.
If only we believe
Why are some people so utterly insensitive? So inconsiderate? So under the assumption that it would be okay for you to see them that way? Right in your face?
Even though it's been so long ago, it's just a matter of respect. Respecting the other's feelings. And in front of everyone else? So tactless.
It doesn't necessarily follow that just because I am reacting this way that I still feel the way I used to. DEFINITELY NOT. It was just humiliating. It was short of saying, "Hey, do you see who I'm with?". Of course I do, I almost gagged while I was at it.
I just have this intuition that you did that for the sole purpose of showing off, as is custom for you. I knew it. And boy, was I right.
I am still feeling the aftershock of Tagaytay. I still have my allergies after four freakin' days. I can't stand it!!!! When will this end? THEREFORE, I will definitely not drink anymore. It's just not worth it.
To reminisce, Tagaytay ii was fun but unfulfilling. I didn't achieve my goal of getting drunk (as in totally wasted). I ended up with as I've said my allergies. ONE TIME, BIG TIME na sana yun. I was just tipsy. At that point, normal conversation with me translated to me answering you with a very loud voice. Hahaha. I was also hogging the MagicSing and was singing my heart out, despite my ultra-horrid voice. I really didn't care who heard me. That was the fun part.
Ces, "The Tanggera", kept pushing several shots in my hand. Thus, I ended up drinking most of what was there. Never again. Although, in fairness, ang sarap ng Vodka Mudslide.
How can I forget, the trip to Tagaytay with Yves' knockout skills and Pepe's bloody nose. OUCH!!!!
On the lighter side, the never-ending (uhmm...) race between mu-MIEL! and Pepe was uber entertaining and a lot dangerous!!! Shem, ingat nang konti, di ka drag racer! Not to mention the near-deafening experience we had with the "soundtrip" (na unti-unti ko nang nagugustuhan, pano ba naman pa-ulit ulit) and our driver's multi-tasking skills (CDs anyone?), it was a really fun ride.
Let's not forget the 3 hour ride back home! Haha. Dumaan ba naman sa cavite, coastal road and las pinas, o di ba? Nakailang robinsons' din tayo. At di pa talaga tayo napagod, we even watched Deuce Bigalow European Gigolo. Shet, stupidest (if there's such a word) movie ever. Yeah, it was funny but...duh. Medyo tinulugan na namin nina Ces, Eunice and Kay.
1C mami-miss ko kayo over the break, sana magkita-kita pa tayo.
Ah basta, I had the time of my life. :D
mega badtrip. Sobra. Ano sa tingin niya sa min, mga robot?!!! I-assign ba naman yung whole book. Eh lahat nang nandun FACTS to the max!!! Good luck na lang talaga bukas. Haay. What about the Spanish sources??? Does she actually expect us to memorize those?!!
Mega panic na ito. Haven't studied for Consti pa. But I have a feeling na he isn't gonna call me. Sana.
Fix You
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
COULD IT BE WORSE?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.
Finals, malapit na. Isang linggo na lang. Sana makapag-aral ako ng matino. I've been thinking about it and thanks to Sir Vallente, I've finally realized that I really do want this. He's such a great professor. In fact, I think he's the best. Nakakalungkot lang talaga na of all subjects na unang natapos, CRIM pa talaga. Pero in fairness, tinawag niya ako nung last day namin. Haha. It was cool. Tama naman yung sagot ko eh.
Of course, di pa dyan nagtatapos ang 'ordeal' ko for this week. I got called for CONSTI ulit. Sana lang, 9 times na niya ako tinatawag. Eh si Dorts (who has the most recits) got called for the 10th time that day. O di ba? Contest na yata ito. Grrr. Syempre, halata ni sir na nag digest na naman ako. Kaasar, I didn't read the rest of the cases sa Article IX 'coz I didn't think I'd get called there. BUT NO, as usual mali na naman ang assumption ko, dun niya ako tinawag. Sayang tuloy yung mga cases na nabasa ko for Article X. Haay, well that's the way it goes.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Don't skip cases.
Yeah thanks. I'd keep that in mind.
Ha. Sana some people would be considerate of others and not just think about themselves. I'm sorry if my priorities are different than yours, but that's the way it goes. Yeah, you can speak out your mind, pero kung ayaw mo nang gulo, better think twice. Medyo namumuro na kasi. I'll let this pass. But I'm really pissed off. Ayoko ng gulo.
