Kumusta naman ang napakasayang exam kanina. Wala na kong masabi. Nakakayamot nang husto ang mga pangyayari habang sumasagot ako ng mga sagot na halos wala nang legal basis. Logic na lang + bola. As if naman I can fool Sir di ba?
Akala ko pa naman na with Raffy crooning out loud, "Lord have mercy..." before the exam, kahit papaano it would be ok. But NOOOO. Walang awa si Sir. Huhuhu.
Ok. Enough ranting.
Lord, seryoso, PLEASE HAVE MERCY.
I packed up my stuff and hurried over to Joan's where everyone else was studying. Ayun. Nambulabog ako ng mga tao when I told them I lost my phone. We tried to call my phone using Ces' phone pero di sinasagot, so we tried texting. I was just about to call my mom and tell her all about it when Chinky told me that the person replied and said that she was going to return it to me. Whew!! So, kinaladkad ko si Ces and Patty over at Guadulpe church using Ces' car to pick up my phone from the lady. Grabe. I am so lucky. I mean, one in a million na lang ang mga taong ganun ngayon. Thank you Lord.
I was so relieved. Imagine, that was the number I gave to all the firms I applied to. And as compensation sa aking mga ulirang kaibigan, I treated them at Starbs. Buti na lang talaga.
I just have to quote Ces,
I just can't help it
No matter what you say
It sounds you're far from okay
I know you're hurting
So please just stop the lie
Just say, say you'll try
Try to stop hiding, and show me how you are
I see through all the faces you put on
I know you're wondering, just how you got to this
All you've lost, all you missed
But it will be fine, and you'll be smiling
And you'll be grateful, for what's still there
And you'll be hoping that you still have it here
The things you thought you lost,
The things you thought were gone
I wish I'd seen it
A long time ago
At least, now I know
I need your promise
No point of asking why
Just say, say you'll try
Try to stop hiding, and show me how you are
I see through all the faces you put on
I know you're wondering, just how you got to this
All you've lost, all you missed
But it will be fine, and you'll be smiling
And you'll be grateful, for what's still there
And you'll be hoping that you still have it here
The things you thought you lost, were gone
But it will be fine, and you'll be smiling
And you'll be grateful, for what's still there
And you'll be hoping that you still have it here
The things you thought you lost
The things you thought were gone
The things you thought you lost,
The things you thought were gone
like the splendor of the firmament,
And those who lead the many to justice
shall be like the stars forever.
A friend said this to me and as I said, we might as well convince ourselves that we are part of those who are "wise". I really appreciate the encouragement. I'm sorry if I seemed so off and didn't talk that much coz a million things were running through my head. Add the fact that I was so stressed and panicky. End result: me staring off into space.
Anyway, one exam down. Five more to go. It's getting to be really tiring but you do what you have to do. Plus, I don't know where I'm going to study from Wednesday till Saturday coz Garyn's off to a retreat and we can't stay over at CMO. Huhuhu. Displaced individuals. I wish I could find a suitable alternative.
Let's study like there's no tomorrow then. (Actually, wala nga. Tax na bukas eh!)
It's nice that I can be there for you
when you feel like there's no one you could talk to.
I'll listen patiently and tell you that everything will be okay
That you're still in His good graces
and He's just probably giving you a challenge
to see how far you can go.
You probably know by now
that He works in inexplicable ways
And maybe, just so you don’t feel complacent,
He’d give you something to think about
But He wouldn’t do it just to give you a hard time
Perhaps it’s His way of getting a reaffirmation from you.
Believe me, He'll come through for you
He always has and always will
You just have to keep the faith
And when you've almost given up,
He'll make things happen
And you'll get so much more
Than what you actually asked for.
Miracles do happen.
I miss the way she was
when she was with you
She was really happy then.
Always giddy, always giggling
Always smiling.
I miss the fact that no matter what happens,
even if she's had a really really bad day,
she can still smile at the end of it
coz she knows that she'll be seeing you
and you'll make her feel better.
I miss the way that she sees everything
in a positive light
Nowadays, she's more reserved and just keeps to herself
I wish that I could bring her back
Back to the way she was
when she was still full of hope,
trust and faith
But I am helpless
Coz at the end of it all,
it's still your call.
Please bring her back for me.
She deserves to be happy.
I work as a recruitment associate for call centers, and i often encounter funny lines. hey, i'm not laughing at the people. just the lines. here are some of them:
1. I am a flexible and I am perseverance person (when asked to
describe her personality)
2. I want to learn more English words. (when asked why he wanted to
work in a call center). [Damn! Read the dictionary!]
3. Do you have any extra ordinary positions that I can take for
granted (Roughly Translated: Meron po ba kayong ibang position na pwede ko'ng apply-an?)
4. "Ten" (When asked to count from 1 to 40 to measure her
articulation)
5. "Kelan Po?" (When asked to count from 1 to 40 to measure her
articulation)
6. "I would choose IRATE CALLERS, Sir." (Answer to the question: If
you will change the COLOR of the world, what would it be and why?)
7. "I want to entertain and satisfy customers" (hmmm?.interesting
concept?so?what are you wearing right now?)
8. "I want to expose myself to the customers." (Answer to why he
wants to work in a call center") ? Flasher ITO!
9. "Is there an opening for a call center?" (Oh so you want to become
a call center now huh?)
10. "Hi. Good afternoon, my name is _____, and I'M a call center from the Philippines. " (solohin ba)
11. Chocolates, boys with tongue pierce." (An applicants answer to the question: What are your weaknesses?"
12. "I think Grade 3 and 4 students are very childish!" (Answer to the
question: What do you think is the most difficult part of teaching Grade 3 and 4 students)
13. "Haller???!! ! ??? (knocks on the table) THE SALARY!" (Answer to Why do you want to work in a call center?)
14. "I'm a married person, I have 2 children, the same boy"
15. "It's a colorful world." (Describe the shirt you're wearing.)
16. "It's a boomed industry." (So all agents are now dead, I guess)
17. "I like to explore other people." (ay sus?maniac ka ano?)
18. "I want to explore myself more." (Answer to why do you want to work in a call center. bagay sila ni #17...)
19. "Hu u? How did you get my #? Text me back, huri. Send me load." (The audacity of an applicant can sometimes appall you.)
20. "I was scheduled for an exam this morning?.I wasn't able to make
it?because I WAS TONSILITIS."
21. "Hi Maam, do you have an opening." (Lokong to ah!)
22. "I want to adventure into the graveyard?" (Langya, mahiilig ka sa
patay!)
23. "I would like to be a part of the graveyard?" (isa ka pa...thriller?
thriller night)
24. "Gd pm sir, im realy sri wen u call me I cnt hear clearly coz d
raindrops of d rain is vry noisy. Rgrdng of wat u want 2 knw y u call me?" (A text message from an applicant)
25. "Do you accept walking applicants?" (No, we prefer flying ones)
26. Interviewer: So you're an undergrad. What year are you in right now? Applicant: Oh I'm just here in the house. Interviewer: No, I asked you what year you're in. Applicant: Year? I'm 25 years old! ( Nagkakaintindihan tayo pare...)
27. Applicant: Agency ba to? Interviewer: No sir, head hunting firm.
Applicant (turning to friend): Egg-hunting daw pare! (Happy Easter!)
28. "In the middle of my study at Adamson, my father fortunately passed away." (FORTUNATELY? ??!!!)
29. "Hello, i just want to inquire about the application resume that i
planted in the computer..." (Ano ka, farmer?)
30. "May inaantay ako na trabaho kaya gusto ko lang na may mapag
LILIBINGAN." (Answer to the question "Why do you prefer a part-time job?" Tagalog na yun ha! Mahilig talaga kayo sa patay)
right?
and you feel worse than ever...
And now she wants to thank you for everything that's ever happened. Thank you for making her feel like she could've been the one in your life. Even if that wasn't your intention, that was what she felt. Thank you for the smiles and the laughs you shared with her, coz those were the moments that she felt happiest the most. Thank you for making her feel special and important. She'll keep all of it close to her heart.
But for now, she wants to be just a friend. She's done with all the bitterness that the past weeks have brought. She's done with all the what ifs that almost consumed her entire being. For now, she wants to start anew and just be a friend to you. Coz then, she'll stop thinking about how to impress you and just be herself around you without thinking about how you'll react.
She's still keeping her doors open, in case you might have a change of heart but for now she thinks it's time to move on for both your sakes.
She's done her part. The rest is up to YOU.
"It Ends Tonight"
Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don't want to need at all.
The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.
A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
You're finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain
The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when you're blind
It's better that I see it through your eyes
All these thoughts locked inside
Now you're the first to know
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Tonight
Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.
Have you ever come to a point in your life when everything just seems so wrong and messed up? And even if you try your hardest to convince yourself that you're happy, you still fail. You just can't fool anyone, not even yourself. So you end up thinking, what the hell is all this for? Why do you continue to do these things when you've lost the drive and the will to do so? Maybe it's the guilt, knowing that you'd be disappointing a lot of people in your life, if you drop everything right at this very instant. But then, wouldn't that mean that you're just living your life for them and not necessarily for yourself? Could you actually go on like that for the rest of your life? Living in a haze, in a routinary fashion, so much so that you can do the stuff that you do with your eyes closed.
And the bottom line of it all is that no one really gives a shit. Some say they do but you know that they say it out pity. Just to calm you down even just a bit. To temporarily ease the pain of living for nothing. And then you start thinking, is it really worth it? Is it really worth all the torment and agony that you go through day after day?
And even now, you still can't answer that question.
You're left with an empty heart as you keep on staring down the never-ending abyss that is your life. You're left to ponder about nothing. So you just stare into space. Because there's really nothing to look forward to. And you go on hoping that maybe one day soon it'll all end. But for now you have to wait.
And it's so ironic that as you keep these things inside of you, you put on a mask when you're in front of everyone else. You keep up the facade that you're strong and not afraid of anything. That you don't care about what anyone thinks about you when in fact you really really do. You act like you do whatever it is you want to do, when the truth is you actually think of what other people will say before you do anything. And that in reality, you're just a slave, succumbing to the whims of everyone around you.
When you think about everything that's ever happened, you start to wonder if you'd rather have it not happening at all in the first place. It's as if a new chapter of your life was finally opened and it ended even before it ever began. You were just standing there, happy, full of expectations and future plans when the rug was suddenly pulled out from underneath your feet. And you're left on the ground, dazed, confused and hurt, and all that time you never really understood what actually happened. And you strain so hard to find the reason why things didn't work out. Did you do something wrong? Or maybe it was because you didn't do anything about it? Or maybe you were never really at fault in the first place, it's just that things were simply beyond your control.
Now you're left with the what-if's and the constant reminder that it never really was. And that all that happened was just a part of a fairytale that you painted which sooner or later will be washed away by the tears that you're about to shed. You then come face to face with the fact that the world's not so wonderful after all. That the mere existence of some people could result in your eternal agony. That the mere sight of them breaks your heart into a thousand little pieces. All that's left to do would be to pick up the broken pieces and it would just be your luck if some are missing so that you'd have to find something to replace them with. You'd also have to accept the fact that you can never bring it back to the way it was before. So you'd have to deal with what it is you've got (if you actually have anything).
You try to live each passing day and hope that the feeling would pass eventually. And just when you thought that all your attempts are finally working, you see something that wasn't meant for your eyes to see, and you know deep in your heart, that things aren't over. You desperately try to hold on to your last string of sanity and as you tighten your grip, you still feel it slipping away. And you're back to square one.
Add the fact that you feel totally unworthy and incompetent. That you're not good enough for some things in this world. Just about enough reason to call it quits and allow yourself to let go. People would usually tell you not to make comparisons but isn't that just part of being human? You'd be a hypocrite to not do so. The next thought would then be, why is it never enough? Then again, maybe you'd actually realize that you never exerted enough effort in the first place. And everything would just seem comical.
So you'd come to the conclusion that your life is just one big pathetic mess and you don't even know where, when and how you'd clean it up. You don't even know if you want to clean up. What would do you opt to do then?
For now, I guess that question would have to be left unanswered.
