The Waiting Game is becoming so tiring. I should just shift to Neutral Mode. Don’t really wanna go back to THAT PLACE again. Coz I know for a fact that it’ll be so hard to bounce back. Let’s just keep on floating in limbo where at least the possibility of getting hurt would be extremely minimal. Sure, things happen but I won’t allow my thoughts to wander about to things that might not happen at all. To not expect is truly difficult. But I’ve managed to do it for some time haven’t I? Maybe it’s because Disappointment has visited me so many times that I’ve finally become immune to it. I’d just let it pass like sand through my fingers. But still, a few grains remain stuck on my hands and I’d have to shake it off really hard for it to come off. And I mean really hard.
But I’m really happy for the past few things that occurred, I’ve been praying really hard for that. In fairness, kay Lord, ang bilis ng response ha. Hehe. I’ll just continue on with my prayers. If it’s meant to be and it’s His will, I know it will happen. If not, I guess it wasn’t right for me to begin with. That would be really sad but I’d have to accept that.
I’ll never forget it coz I had a glimpse of the things that could be. And it felt right.
The dreaded day is so near already. APRIL 30. Yun na yun eh. Will I be staying or not. I pray each night na I’d be given another chance. Despite the fact that I’ve been given so many chances already. I still hope that God will give me another year in law school. I feel so bad coz I know I still didn’t give it my all. I know that I could’ve done better. Then again, there’s no use for the could haves coz it’s already over and done with.
I guess the only thing that’s left is FAITH, TRUST, and COMPLETE SURRENDER to God’s will.
Lord, you’ve brought me this far, PLEASE HAVE MERCY.
May pa-demure effect pa daw?
Kala ko talaga si Atty. Paul na yun!
On a more stressful note:
It was my 2nd day at work. Early part of the day till after lunch, chillax lang. Just helping out Ricel with some of the stuff assigned to her. We had lunch sa 8th Floor, in fairness masarap yung food and sulit for PhP 110. Then kinaladkad ko si Joy and Ricel sa rooftop. Nakakahiya tuloy dun sa dalawa. Tapos at around 3, I was assigned my own work. Akala ko nung una, kaya. Apparently, medyo complicated pala. Nahirapan ako maghanap ng legal basis for my arguments. I was panicking so much kasi 6 na di pa rin ako tapos and Ces asked me to meet her sa Starbucks Leviste by 6:30. Ayun. Type kung type. Pag-submit ko nung paper diretso labas baka tanungin pa ko eh! Haha. Sana di ako pagalitan bukas.
Pero sabi nga ni Ces, "Can you actually imagine yourself doing that type of work for the rest of your life? Boring na, ang dami pa!"
Haaay...nakakalugmok isipin.
I still have to do my part dun sa na-assign kay Ricel. Waah. Para ulit akong nag- Tax I sa ginagawa ko. Grabe. Sinusumpa ko na ang domestic corporations sa sobrang haba! Payn. Payn. I'll do it na nga.
But I know, inspite of all these pessimistic thoughts, that God helped me get into it whatever the means used. And I know, I'd have to trust in Him and that He wouldn't put me there if He knew I wouldn't be able to survive it. I have to do my best.
Then today, we received the news that my tito passed away. And I thought to myself that here I was worrying about such things while the rest of those around me have to endure so much more difficult things. You never really know when your time is up. And it made me realize that fine, I would no longer worry about the what ifs and just do my best in whatever it is that I am going to do. Because life is short, there's no time for worrying.
When you are near me
When you stand close
When you stay by me
And just be there
I succumb to the thought
That you're there, I'm here
And somehow, just standing there with you
Feels so right
"Live your life
with so much love in your heart
that if by mistake
you were sent to hell,
the devil himself
would deliver you up to heaven.
-Paulo Coelho
