It finally happened. After all those weeks of thinking about it...finally. And I can let my mind rest. No more regrets. I'm happy that I went through with it instead of thinking about the what-ifs and the mental "kicking myself in the head" for being scared and indecisive. It was a no-strings attached situation and well... I really wasn't expecting more from it. I'm glad I went.
The situation was a bit weird though. I feel like laughing at myself for not knowing what to do. Haha. Stupid. Stupid. But still, I wonder what I would do if I catch myself in another instance like that. Sometimes inexperience is soooo frustrating...in a funny way at least. Gaad. I sure hope I won't pull that stint again. So embarassing. Novice.
But it made me realize one thing. I guess I'm still willing to wait and not just take on whatever's out there. I still want that special connection. I guess it's really a big factor that I didn't get a chance to go on a deeper level but still... it'll be something worth reminiscing.
Though it didn't go the way I thought it would, the way things happened was to say the least...sufficient. I needed it for the "closure" that I wanted to achieve and now I'm ready to move on with the rest of my complicated life.
Back to the old issues then.
Special thanks to my worrywart "mom" Rachelle and to Irish for staying. Sorry. :D And to the three who waited for me in vain at Starbucks, Ces, Patty and Euns: I'm really not "artista" material, sorry for being such a lousy guest at "The Buzz" (your version). Here's a hint though, at little (just a little) something did transpire...I'll leave it to your imagination. Coz I really can't bear to talk about the stupid, funny thing I did.
Basta. I'm ok na. I won't be blaming you guys for it ever again. Pramis. Mwah!!!!
I was with Rache yesterday and we went to get a reading. Since I was having a dilemma for the longest time, I wanted to go there and get a re-affirmance of what I have already decided to do. And when I asked that question, well...Sandy didn't exactly encourage me. Actually, she discouraged me from pursuing the matter further. So there I was, I felt like a huge weight has finally come off of me and I was about to let the issue rest. But no! Fate really is funny. All of a sudden, I got what I was asking for. I was so bewildered by the fact. Rache was like, "O, wag ka kiligin." But can I help it? I really don't have serious intentions of going after it. I am actually satisfied by the fact that all those moments I spent thinking and wishing were not in vain. But, if it happens, it happens. I'm not going to make an extra effort coz I already have an idea of what's about to transpire. And well...after all the warnings Sandy gave me...haha...we'll just have to see.
Another aspect of my reading was about my issue for the longest time. It was just unnerving that she knew about that person and our "interactions". And what she told me was very, very encouraging but of course it wouldn't be without a lot of complications. I guess I am happy that there's a huge possibility of us going towards that direction but we still have to see what's gonna happen in the next few months. Coz frankly, I'm getting really, really tired of the situation. Tired and distracted. And I most certainly do not need distractions this sem. Striving for Excellence! Seriously though, I would just go with the flow. Maybe perhaps meet the situation half-way when it's already there but I don't wanna exert all the extra effort just to create the situation. I guess I've already passed that stage. And I do think I've done enough. We'll just leave the rest to the other person. I really do hope that the complexities will work out soon. I'm getting tired of waiting...but I'm still here...
I just hope Sandy's right.
Another aspect of my reading was about my issue for the longest time. It was just unnerving that she knew about that person and our "interactions". And what she told me was very, very encouraging but of course it wouldn't be without a lot of complications. I guess I am happy that there's a huge possibility of us going towards that direction but we still have to see what's gonna happen in the next few months. Coz frankly, I'm getting really, really tired of the situation. Tired and distracted. And I most certainly do not need distractions this sem. Striving for Excellence! Seriously though, I would just go with the flow. Maybe perhaps meet the situation half-way when it's already there but I don't wanna exert all the extra effort just to create the situation. I guess I've already passed that stage. And I do think I've done enough. We'll just leave the rest to the other person. I really do hope that the complexities will work out soon. I'm getting tired of waiting...but I'm still here...
I just hope Sandy's right.
